I miss it.

The day I lost my beloved, tattered Bible will forever be etched in my memory. I can't tell you how I cried for weeks to come in mourning to have her back.

When I was around the age of 11, my Dad brought home three leather bound Bibles for my sisters and I. At that time in my life, purple was my most favorite color and he made sure that I was given the beautifully colored plum purple Bible. I was delighted as it was just the right size for me. Not too small, not too big and the color was vibrant and happened to be my absolute favorite. It was as if it was tailor made for me. There were plenty of blank note pages in the back where he had hand written the first to me and it was special, oh so special. Along the years, many important people who had impacted my life in some way or another had also written something to me in this Bible per my request.

This Bible went everywhere with me. She fit quite nicely in my oversized purse. I made a habit of color coding scriptures that spoke to me in various ways and wrote endless amounts of notes upon her pages of things that God had spoken to me or opened my eyes to over the years. I cried many tears over her pages, whether it be tears of sorrow, confusion or joy. This Bible was precious to me and was a huge part of my life. It's worn pages and markings made it all the more beautiful to me.

Two years ago I accompanied my Pastor at the time and her children to a Spanish Conference at Aliento del Cielo, a ministry of Christ for the Nations in Dallas, TX as we were to sing in the choir. It was a tremendous experience and I loved every second of it. I was interning/working in a spanish church at the time and a big part of my role consisted of worship and music. I learned to sing in a different language and I loved it, so this experience was definitely amazing. I was among many other passionate worshipers and amazing voices and it was so much fun!

You can see a picture here. (It would not allow me to save a picture and post due to copyright reasons). I am obviously the only blonde in the choir. Haha. The one on the end to the far left, second row from the top, that's me! :)

Anyway, aside from how amazing the trip in itself was, it was also very sad for me. It was at this time that my beloved Bible was lost. Being in the choir had it's perks during the conference. We were rewarded with reserved seating among a very, very large crowd and we had access to many different parts of the building. Upon arriving, we were all given a black tote back with the words enscripted, "Cree todo es Posible" which means, "Believe all things are Possible". This also happened to be the name and theme of the conference. I tenderly placed my Bible and journal inside this tote and they remained there for the remainder of the trip unless of course, I was utilizing them.

When we arrived to the auditorium on the second night, I placed my purse and tote in a seat where the choir had reserved seating. I so regret this action. At the end of the 2nd night I headed down to my seat and gathered my purse and tote. When the service had begun and we were asked to get out our Bibles, I reached into my bag and neither my Bible, nor my journal was there! I started to panic a little and realized, "Oh someone must have just gotten their bag mixed up with mine." As I glanced down the aisle, there must have been nearly a hundred other black totes that were exactly the same. I kind of started freaking out and came to the conclusion that whoever had it would certainly turn it into lost & found before the conference was over. So, I checked immediately after the service, nothing. I didn't freak out yet as Pastor Elizabeth stated that we still had 2 more services to look for it. The next morning I headed to lost & found again hoping that it would be there and again, nothing.

I told myself throughout the remainder of the conference "Cree todo es Posible" (Believe, ALL things are possible). I just knew that I would be reunited with my Bible before we left for home. I had to be.

The very last night of the conference was a live recording, so we did not sit down one time. We stood and sang for 3 hours straight to record the cd "Cree Todo Es Posible" by Marco Barrientos. Great CD, might I add. Well, if you happen like spanish worship music anyway ;)

After the service was over and my feet and voice were as worn as they could possibly be, I headed down to lost & found one last time and prayed the whole way there, "God, please let it be there, please." Again, nothing. My heart sank and hot tears instantly surfaced and began to stream from my eyes. I was devastated. The girl at the desk could obviously tell I was upset about it and took my name and number and promised to call me if it turned up.

I left without my precious Bible and immediately called my Dad sobbing as if something really tragic had just occured. In my eyes and heart, it had.

Days after the conference, I called to check and see if it had been turned in. It hadn't. Weeks and even months later, I continued to call until I just accepted that I would probably never see it again.

Perhaps God wanted someone else to have it? Maybe He had spoken something to me years ago that I wrote down that would in turn speak to someone else. I know that God works in mysterious ways and I would only hope that whoever possesses this Bible now cherishes it as much as I did.

I still would love nothing more than to have it back, though. I honestly could cry right now just thinking about it.