Wednesday, August 26, 2009

The end of this chapter.

It's official. My family will be making their way nearly 200 miles away from me to live in the next two months. Our dear house sold and my heart has been in pieces ever since I received the news. I can cry at the drop of a hat. It's ridiculous.

I know what you may be thinking- "200 miles away is hardly anything". Yes, this is true and many weekend trips will be made as the drive is only a mere 3 hours but my heart remains sad and heavy because I've always lived at home. I'm very close with my family. We have our differences and our disagreements but at the end of the day I am content in knowing that I have a safe place to come home to at night where hot dinners are always ready and a mom, dad and two sisters are always available to talk to and spend time with. My heart remains undoubtedly heavy at the thought of all of this becoming reality soon. Ouch.

I am the epitome of a "homebody". I rarely spend nights away from home and I have odd routines and quirks in relation to my house and family that are going to be hard to break. I only work 3 miles away from my house so I go home basically EVERY day for lunch and eat with my mom. I love that. I love that I can leave my house at 8:25 and get to work on time. I love our home and everything it represents and reminds me of. My mom is probably the most hospitable person you would EVER meet. Anyone and everyone is always welcome to our house at pretty much anytime and not only that, but she cooks for everyone as well. Everyone loves coming to our house. It's always open and filled with good smells, laughing and lots of love.

So many happy, sad, challenging, hurtful, joyful and harsh memories have been made within these walls. I've lived in this house longer than any before. We bought it when I was 13 and completely remodeled the inside to reflect "us". I remember the excitement and anticipation of having our own bedrooms and being able to paint them whatever color we wanted. We had so much fun and an army of students from the Bible College where my Dad taught at the time came and helped us. There were many sleepless nights and lots of memories were made. My teenage years were spent here. My fondest memories were made right here.

Ah, this is going to be much harder than I thought. I know that living on my own will permit me to doing some more growing and I need to. It will be good for me but oh so lonely. As much as my family has the ability of driving me absolutely insane, they are also my rock and safe haven. I know that no matter what, I can always always count on them to be there and i always have three girls to get advice from and watch movies with. Gahhhhh, i hate even writing about this.

I guess it wouldn't be as hard if it were me moving away from home and always being able to come back but I feel like home is leaving me and that is the worst feeling ever! =(

Oh life, you do have a way of making me crazy at times.

This will be interesting. Time to grow up some more. Growing hurts.

My mom wrote a beautiful tribute and depiction of what we are all feeling right now. Read if you may... http://1momsperspective.blogspot.com/2009/08/this-old-house.html

8 comments:

darlamc67@hotmail.com said...

I'm so sorry baby...This made me weep. I love you so much and we'll be just a phone call away. I'll help you make your own place home and visit you often or you can always come with us :/
Wherever we are it will still be home when we're together. I know this is the toughest time of life for all of us. -Mom

Nessa said...

Awww, im sorry. Sounds (and looks!) like a beautiful home...
you'll be okay, stronger even, just look at it a way to learn to trust the Lord even more so!!

Andrea said...

Aw, Amber....I'm sorry you're going through some growing pains. I still remember moving out for the first time to go to college about 100 miles away. When my mom turned to say good-bye, I just lost it. It's never easy saying "later" to someone you lived with your entire life. Hang in there, girl.

And as much as you don't want to hear it...200 miles isn't terribly bad. After I got over my first week away, I realized my parents were still very very close and the fear of feeling unsettled never really came to be.

Casey said...

I know that feeling...not the feeling of not being able to return to what has always been your home, but the feeling of seperation between you and your family.

And even if 200 miles isn't technically a far distance, it is still a huge differnce compared to having your family just outside your bedroom door.

I know God will use this in a beautiful way to prosper everyone involved!

xo

Crazy Shenanigans said...

When I moved for the first time it was so hard for me. It'll take some time but you'll feel better eventually.

Robert said...

I remember moving for the first time, man it was tough, but time will make it a little better. Cherish the memories...

C said...

Oh sweetheart. I know how hard this can be. My prayers are with you, and I hope you find joy in this.

mrs.leah.maria said...

OH hunny, I can just imagine. I'm praying for you that the transition is smooth.