Wednesday, September 30, 2009

The news is out...

Yes. New news. Imagine that? Things rapidly change in my life if you haven't yet noticed. Sure makes for some stories though, huh?

As mentioned earlier, our house has sold and we have to be out by the 24th of October. That is 24 days to pack up our lives and embark on a new adventure.

As of last week, my Dad's current job situation fell through and it left my family feeling a bit apprehensive as they were unsure where they would be heading once we had to be out of the house. My Dad however, remained prayerful and faithful and encouraged all of us that "God would and will provide just as He always does. That door was simply closed because there is a better opportunity elsewhere and we just have to trust that God will lead us." His faith amazes me.

I had planned all along to stay put here in Pensacola. I have a great job, friends and I just love this area as this is essentially where I grew up and spent my most formative years.

That, however, could be changing.

After much prayer, consideration, meetings and evaluations it looks as though my family will be making their move to Charlotte, NC to rejoin FIRE Church and FIRE School of Ministry. In case you're wondering, FIRE stands for Fellowship for International Revival and Evangelism. We were apart of this church and school when it was birthed here in Pensacola, FL in 2000. In 2003 the entire church and student body relocated to Charlotte, NC and for various reasons, we stayed behind. We have remained in close contact with many from there and even made a road trip up there earlier this month to visit very dear friends.

I couldn't be more excited about this for my family! Although leaving Pensacola will be so very sad and hard, I believe this is going to be the best thing that could possibly happen. I'm honestly still in shock and disbelief.

As for me, I would love nothing more than to go. I just feel as though I need to stay committed to my current job until at least January 2010. I can transfer to a State Farm office up there quite easily but I just feel like I need to stay here for some more time for certain reasons. I love this job. I have the most amazing boss and co-worker ever. It's a true blessing.

So much is changing. I'm so happy that I can be somewhat excited about this move though. Leaving our house is still going to be unbearably difficult. I don't even like to entertain the thought but the days are very quickly vanishing and the 24th will be here before I know it :(

I'll keep you all updated as time progresses and more details come!

Are we crazy? Ahhh, so much to do in SO little time.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Rest in Peace.

These last couple of days have been quite a whirlwind.

I spent my weekend in a Hospice center near the death bed of a precious woman, my great Aunt Dolly. Sadly, I did not have the opportunity of knowing her as well as I would have liked but the few times we visited her were always very sweet. My Dad was very close with her growing up and often shares fond memories and stories in relation to her and her family. She was more like a grandmother to him as his passed away when he was fairly young.

We reconnected with extended family from all over the place and it was wonderful being able to meet family whom I had never met before.

She passed into eternity early this morning.

Such a strange and indescribable thing to behold the death of someone. I witnessed so much love during these last few days as so many came around her and spoke sweetly of her humble posture, selflessness, ginormous heart and compassion. It was a privilege and an honor to witness such a beautiful passing and moments of solitude as well as singing and blessing. It was very humbling and reminded me of the last precious moments we were able to have with my Grandmother before she passed into eternity. They were so very difficult but beautiful and sweet all at the same time.

My heart and prayers go out to the immediate family at this time of loss and mourning.

My mom wrote a beautiful tribute in honor of Aunt Dolly that is going to be read at her funeral and I thought I would share it on here with all of you...

A Life Well Lived

I have spent the last few hours at the death bed of a saint.
There is most likley no place so holy or so precious.
There between this reality and the breath of heaven.
Is a peace so precious and strong.

I have witnessed a death surely approaching.
But a life so well lived that there are no regrets.
No words unspoken, No deeds undone.
No pangs of remorse, No qualms of conscience.

There is a light and sparke in her eyes.
A strength and urgency her grip.
She is so desperately still holding on.
Ignoring her pain.
Making sure each loved one is at ease with her passing.

A mother and a Matriarch to the very end.
Her large and loving family hold vigil.
And I can see she knows this is her Heritage.
Her gift to give the world, her life reproduced in her children.

It's beautiful, she's beautiful.
And humble, She has no real idea of her impact on generations to come.
Of Children, Grandchildren and Great Grandchildren who will,
because of her life, Her love and her example become the hope of new families and communities.
This is the real circle of life.

I know because you see, I married her nephew.
She probably doesn't even know her impact on he and his brothers lives.
And consequently mine and my own girls.
She didn't think of herself as a rock and a foundation for life but she was.

From the moment I met Keith I heard tales of 820 and "Grundy"
To three little boys from a Broken home "Grundy" became their ideal and hope.
It was a place of faith, Hope, Family, Hospitality and Love.
Where fathers didn't leave and mothers always put their children first.
Where there were always hot and happy mealtimes.
Values were taught, A place where Faith and Family and Country came first.

A place you were always welcome.
There would always be hot coffee and a tray of cookies.
Aunt Dolly would always hug and kiss you.
And sit and have a talk, and she really listened and she really cared.

Its so hard for them all to say goodbye I know.
But as I watch the beauty of her passing.
I know her secret. I can see it her beautiful, loving eyes.
Shes about to embark on the journey of a lifetime.

She knows she can go on in peace to her Savior and Her Sweetheart Uncle Bob.
Because she has fought the good fight, she has run her race,
And she has led a life to be proud of..... a life well lived.

-Darla M. Collins

Thursday, September 24, 2009

The Mystery of God's Ministry

I did not write this poem. I honestly do not even know who did but my dear mother shared this with me some time ago and it spoke volumes to me. Read on and I hope that it can touch you and speak to you the same way that it did my mom and I. I would love to meet the dear saint who penned these words and simply tell them, "thank you".


I prayed to be made holy like the savior
To be patient, gentle, mild and meek as he
Then straightway came some bitter dissapointment
And I pushed the instrument away from me
I kept on praying still to be like Jesus
And trials of sort I seemed to face
But every time one came I fled in terror
And sought me out some human refuge place

I cried for love, that dying love of calvary
At once it seemed my foes were everywhere
I could not stand to meet with opposition
Injustice I had never learned to bear
And once again I fled for consolation
To some I knew were loyal through and through
And then kept wondering at my heartfelt hunger
As day by day my prayer I would renew

I sought for faith, the kind that moves a mountain
Then staggered when my plea for alms seemed spurned
I said that "God, His love for me hath holden"
How strange through all, his will was not discerned
And after weeks and years of constant trying
I seemed to stand fast where I stood before
At last I noted there was not advancement
"Why is it Lord?"My heart seemed to implore

He spoke when I had ceased my bitter struggling
And quiet was I, passive in his hand
And to my great surprise (almost REBELLION)
He said "You have not heeded My commands;
You wanted peace and joy and love and patience
But daily you have shrunk from sacrifice
You loved the hollow "ROMANCE" of mount calvary
But for the crown you will not pay the price

I see it now! I do not like the chastening
But now instead of seeking human aid
I let each stroke he sends be just a weapon
And when I shrink in terror from the trials
I only cling still tighter to my Lord
And then emerging from the loathsome testing
I find I am more like HIM - My reward


How many times have I, myself prayed, "Lord, Lord make me like you! Give me your heart, break me, use me, fill me!", but the moment he begins the crushing process I withdraw and begin to seek comfort elsewhere. The moment He begins to do the work inside of me which I asked and begged for Him to do, I oppose it because it does not look or feel like what i thought it would. Doesn't He know that, that was not exactly what I meant? I mean, "c'mon Lord, you knew what I meant when I asked you to break me, right? I wanted you to do it gently, taking into consideration my timing and feelings and not so quickly and please, not in this manner. I'm just not ready for this, I've changed my mind."

How many times have I prayed, "Lord, take my life and may it be a sacrifice to you, I will do whatever you ask of me!", but the minute He begins to take those things which I hold so dear to me in order to replace them with Him, I cling tightly to those earthly possessions or things in which I take delight.

How many times have I prayed, "Lord, I will go where you want me to go, I will say what you want me to say!" and then when He presents a situation for me to share my faith or when he pulls on my heartstrings to speak what I feel He is saying to me I retract and begin to question, "Is that really Him or just me?", and I talk myself out of it because of my unpleasant pride or even worse, my embarrassment.

I think my favorite line in that poem is, "You loved the hollow "ROMANCE" of mount calvary But for the crown you will not pay the price". Wow, that is so true! We love to sing about it and pray to "bear our crosses" but when the time comes, do I really do so? Oh how many times I have failed, how many times I've made excuses and out of being hurt I've withdrawn completely because the pressure was just too intense.

Jesus never withdrew, retired or backed away from His chastening. He didn't make excuses or run and hide. He didn't reason with God and try to substitute what God's will was for something a bit more pleasant. He humbly bore a heavy cross upon His back, was beat, mocked, slaughtered, pierced, and blasphemed in front of crowds of people. Those who hated Him, those who once loved Him and those who loved Him. I can't imagine, I really can't. He knew it was for a cause much greater than what His current circumstance was, He knew that the bitterness and sting of death only lasted for a season and the worth was far beyond anything that had ever been paid. He knew that this was the only way that these wretched sinners and reprobates, as well as those who loved Him could be given the gift of life and of fullness. He even forgave those who killed Him because despite their hatred and animosity, they too possess a soul and a soul worth dying for.

Now, tell me how can we expect for our sacrifice to be one without pain and agony? How can we expect our surrender to be sweet? How can I tell God exactly how I want him to break me and use me? Ashamedly I have, and I've thought that it was just fine because of things I have undergone, situations and relationships that have hurt me deeply. I blamed God for forsaking me, I rejected Him by doing my own thing and and I justified it by my pain and anguish. However, nothing I have endured could even come remotely close to the price that was paid for me, absolutely nothing.

May I truly become a living sacrifice, not just one who says it and prays to be but one who truly does lay everything down. The words of the song "Lead me To the Cross" by Brooke Fraser truly speak volumes to me.

"Lead me to the cross where your love poured out
Bring me to my knees, Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself I belong to you
Oh lead me, Lead me to the cross"

Rid me of myself, empty me of me so that when I am faced with opposition and trials I can cling tighter to my Lord.

-Amber Denae

"Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?" Matthew 16:24

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

14 days and counting...

I'm currently on day 14.

Day 14 of what?. You might ask.

I have sucessfully gone two entire weeks without desserts, candy, chocolate of any sort, and sweets in general. My dear friends, this is a very huge accomplishment for me. You really have no idea.

I decided to give this up for an extended period of time mainly due to my being unsure of what was ahead of me. Kind of like a fast. I'm also finding mysef to be more energized and alert because of it. Whenever I have a sweet craving, I instead reach for an orange, apple, pineapple, cantaloupe etc. Needless to say, I have been consuming large portions of fruit lately.

I'm really not sure when I will come off of this. I just had to share my accomplishment of going 14 days without any sweets. This is definitely a first for me. I have been tempted from nearly every corner. Both of my parent's birthdays were last week and I even endured baking my favorite chocolate cake for my mom and did not even have one lick of batter, nonetheless a piece. Candy seems to be everywhere I go just screaming for me to unwrap it and let it melt on my tongue. For instance, we went to Olive Garden the other night and our waitress flung an andes chocolate mint candy right in front of my face. I so desired that thing but did not give into it's temptation. It feels quite good to conquer even the smallest of temptations.

If I can do this, I can do anything!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

A Survey and an Award...two in one, yes.

My blog friend from over at One Heart, Two Hands tagged me for this survey. I had a good time filling it out.

1. Respond and rework: Answer the questions on your blog.
Replace one question with a question of your own or add a question of your own.

2. Tag other un-tagged people.

What's your favorite article of clothing?
All of my cardigans but especially my teal one from Forever21. My comfy day dresses and scarves in the fall :)

Who was the last person you hugged?
My mom.

What's your favorite dinner?
I'd have to say the mediterranean meal my mom cooks which consists of falafel, tabouli, hummus and cous cous. Delicious, diverse and so healthy!

What was the last thing you bought?
I bought many a things last night to cook dinner. We had a mexican fiesta night!

What are you listening to right now?
Absolutely nothing. I'm at work.

What is your favorite weather?
I'm going to say fall weather and not just because it's right around the corner and I'm craving it at the moment. I really do love the crispness in the air during this season!

What is your least favorite season?
I don't really have a least favorite. I live in Florida and while summer is undoubtedly amazing after nearly 9 months of it, it does get VERY old, as does the humidity.

Who do you admire the most?
I admire a lot of people, some who have already passed and some who are still living. But at the end of the day I think I'm going to have to say that admire my parents the most. They have been through so much and have handled difficult situations with honor and dignity, even at the cost of losing "fame" or "popularity". I highly admire those who stick to what they believe even in the midst of a fiery trial and I can say without reserve that my parents certainly have. I am blessed to have them.

Say something to the person who tagged you: One Heart, Two are a beautiful soul and I love your writing. I enjoy your blog and you're so sweet!

What is your favorite dessert or cool treat?
Ahhh, anything sweet! I haven't had dessert or sweets in 12 days now. It's a fast I'm doing and it's really difficult to talk about this. I could list a million things but I LOVE cheesecake! mmm especially raspberry chocolate cheesecake. Goodness gracious. Heavenly.

What did you want to be as a child?
A teacher, lawyer or singer

What do you want to be now?
Still trying to figure it out. I want to be diligent in all that I do. I want to be successful in anything I attempt to do. I want to benefit others and make a difference.

What is your favorite song?
I have way too many. At the moment: More than Ashes by Tim Reihmerr, Falling Slowly from the movie soundtrack, ONCE, Sweet Disposition by the Temper Traps, Green Eyes by Coldplay, Gravity by Sara Bareilles, Anything by The Beatles, I could go on and on and on and on. This question is ridiculous. ha

Which is you favorite country/state, and why?
United States. I feel so blessed to have been born here. I do love Italy though. I went there when I was 15 and absolutely fell in love with it!

If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go? New Zealand

What are your most challenging goals right now?
Figuring out my next steps and direction. I'm completely clueless as to what the future holds. I need some clear direction which I am most definitely praying for.

What is your 5 year plan?
Meet my husband, get married, travel, buy a house, do something meaningful and purposeful, be apart of a ministry again, maybe have a baby? 5 years is such a short period of time when you think about it! I'll be 27! Goodness, that is scary to think about.

What is your favorite sport to watch? Football

What show would you want to be a cast member on (reality included)?
As cheesy as it sounds...American Idol. I know, I know. Or any show that I could win money on...haha

What is your most prized possession?
I have many. Probably my purity/promise ring that my parents gave me when I was 16. I still wear it proudly signifying that I will indeed wait until marriage. I have never taken it off since I was 16. Also my box FULL of letters from my Grandma. She passed away when I was 15 and up until then, she was the greatest pen pal one could ever imagine having. We wrote every week to each other. I believe she greatly inspired my love for writing.

Name one favorite childhood memory.
I have so very many. Family camping trips, living on cleveland ave in buckhannon- our playhouse, making mazes in the galores of leaves that would fall in autumn, playing with my cousins and sisters, family bike rides or walks to dairy queen downtown, staying with grandma and grandpa on weekends and waking up to her signature biscuits and gravy, christmastime at many!

What is your favorite book of the Bible?
Psalms. I love David's expression unto the Lord and reading his inner thoughts, struggles, desires and challenges is very intriguing and inspiring.

What is your favorite quote?
"Deliver Me, Jesus from the desire to be praised, honored, glorified, preferred, consulted, or approved. Deliver me, Jesus, from the fear of being humiliated, criticized, forgotten, ridiculed, maltreated, and from the fear of what others will think. O Jesus, give me the grace to desire: that others would be loved and esteemed ahead of me, that in the eyes of the world they would increase while I decrease, and praised while I pass by unnoticed; that others would be preferred in all situations; that others would become more than myself — in order that I would be as holy as You want me to be."
—Charles de Foucauld

Now I tag any of you lovely ladies who would like to do this. :)

Also, wonderful, beautiful and sweet Shanny over at I did, I do, I will nominated me for the Kreativ Blogger award! Thank you Shanny! I so enjoy your blog and pure honesty.


1-Thank the person who nominated you for this award.
2-Copy the logo and place it on your blog.
3-Link to the person who nominated you for this award.
4-Name 7 things about yourself that people may not know.
5-Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers.
6-Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate.
7-Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they've been nominated.

7 things about me that people may not know:

1. An opossum fell out of a tree onto my head when I was 9 years old. Not even kidding.

2. I wake up every morning at 6:00 am even though I don't have to be at work until 8:30 am. I get ready in 30 mins and then often go back to sleep until I have to leave. So silly.

3. I Love Lucy is the best show ever, in my opinion.

4. I've been single for 4 years now and have only had one boyfriend in my entire life.

5. I never got into the Twilight series.

6. I've been out of the country 3 times. Italy, once and Mexico, twice.

7. I attempted to learn the flute when I was around 11 but quickly realized that I could never play an instrument to which I could not sing to. It drove me nuts. I stuck with piano. :)

And I nominate those who are deserving of this award...

One Heart, Two Hands

There you have it!

Friday, September 18, 2009

Open my eyes to love these.

She carefully examined her mirrored reflection in the tainted glass. Her small frame and sunken eyes greatly displeased her. Peering for several moments she did not make any attempt to fix what she saw and became a victim of indirect criticism. Words flooding her mind only intensifying the hatred toward what she beheld.

"Ugly, fat, repulsive, unfashionable, pale"- all words that ran through her head repeatedly. The scars on her frail wrists told the most truth and the emptiness deep within her eyes spoke the facts. No glimmer of hope to be found, only pure worthlessness, betrayal, feelings of anxiety and hatred filled her being. Her innocence trespassed and violated leaving her with nothing but absolute fear. Rejected by her world, her family, herself.

"Why go on? Why face it all over again tomorrow? Why hurt, Why cry? Why bleed?"

All silent cries, unseen and uncared for. Lonliness becomes her dearest friend and deception seeps into her core, withdrawing and feeding on every lie that resounds within her mind. She's become a victim of her own, inflicting pain upon herself and punishing herself for who she is not. Her scars display rejection of self, a need to release pressure by obstucting her tender veins. In a sense it's a relief to her. Temporary highs give her an escape, to flee the current pains and dissatisfaction she feels. Her heart senses no love, peace or hope- only fear and distrust.

How many have I crossed paths with? How many have I had the profound opportunity of speaking with? How many have I left "with hope"?

My prayer today is that I would be drawn to these young girls and women whom I know I come in contact with often and that in someway I can offer something that can in fact ease their pain and soften their hearts. How my heart breaks for them. How my heart hurts when I just think about their lives and the constant pain they face within their broken and dysfunctional homes.

I do not know their pain, I do not know their heartache, I can not relate but I have hope and more importantly, love to offer them. I can show them love, I can show them acceptance when the world and even sometimes "christians" shut them out because society calls them "emo" and/or "gothic" and categorizes them as though they're compartmentalized and not possessing a human heart, soul and feelings.

If we would just be the body. If we could be like Jesus and embrace these. God forbid we get our hands a little bit dirty in doing so.

Love. Love. Love.

I've said it so many times. I know there are SO many facets of the word of God that we are to follow and obey, but love is the greatest. Love sent Jesus to die for us, LOVE laid down His own life for us, LOVE conquered death, LOVE rose again, LOVE has a purpose for us. I PROMISE you that when you truly love someone it completely changes everything. It goes from you trying to change them to being their friend and someone they can talk to.

God will give them conviction and bring them to repentance, that is NOT our place, nor our job. For when and if we enforce "conviction" I believe that they get saved out of guilt or condemnation and that will take them no where. It's a divine work of the Holy Spirit in which we cannot interfere. We simply love them, pray for them and speak into their lives.I know I must sound like a broken record, but I just feel so strongly about this whole subject and matter.

Show love. Love is the movement.

Despite my current hardships and circumstances, may my eyes be unveiled to see others in a different show love and hope even when I am hurting. Life is so short and so many things that consume my time and thoughts are not worth it. I want to make a difference and I desire to be a light and encouragement to others. Not in myself but through Jesus in me.

I pray that I do not pass these by. I pray that my heart and hands will always be willing and ready to embrace a broken soul.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Where is that light?

First of all, I want to thank you all for your sweet comments and words of advice/input on my last blog. It's encouraging to know that I can be real on here and share my struggles with others who undoubtedly deal with similar struggles and challenges. I really appreciate all of your words. They mean more than you know.

I'm somewhat groggy today due to a lack of sleep and a mind flooded by many thoughts and concerns. Life really has gotten a bit crazy lately and I am aware that some tough times are ahead of me. I'm okay with it and a serene peace has flooded my soul but it's very easy to allow confusion, doubt and worry to quench this peace that I feel. Last night was a prime example.

Essentially, we have to be out of our house in 5 weeks and as of last night, it looks as though we have nowhere to go (for now at least). Frightening.

The timing is just awful with the holidays right around the corner and if you know our family then you know that this time of year is perhaps overdone a bit in our home. We love to have people over to share meals and celebrate with. We have so many traditions and ways of doing certain things every year. It's hard to believe that any of this is reality, but it is and it will undoubtedly punch me in the stomach in the next couple of weeks as we near closing and begin to store our belongings.

I personally know so many people who are struggling financially and it breaks my heart. We've been thrust in the mix and while money has really never been something we've had a ton of, we've always been "okay". Money is not everything. It really isn't. However, it is imperative to our livelihood. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that something will eventually work out. The not knowing is the hardest part though. I have a pretty secure job, thankfully and I honestly don't even know how long I will be around these parts but seeing my family is such distress over finances pains me to no end. I can do as much as I can to do my part and help but in the end, it doesn't do very much.

Maybe I'm being a little too honest on here as of late but I feel as though this is my outlet and believe it or not, your similar situations and encouraging words bring me so much relief and hope.

Faith and trust. Two small words that have taken on an even more significant meaning lately. God is so much bigger than all of this. I am so thankful that I can trust Him in the midst of this storm and though I am blind to what is before me, He knows the outcome and He is FOR US, not against us.

I know that we will look back upon this as a test of faith and a time where we learned the importance of trusting HIS will above ours.

But where is that light at the end of the tunnel? Close, I hope.

This scripture comes to mind...

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first His kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." -Matthew 6:25-34

And last but not least a line from a song that has been resounding within my spirit since these series of unfortunate events have unraveled.

"One thing I know that I have found
Through all the troubles that surround
You are the Rock that never fails, You never fail"

From the song Everlasting God by New Life Worship

Beautiful and oh so true.

Love, Amber

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Being honest here...

I have a problem. It's one that I cannot seem to overcome either. No matter how hard I try.

I compare myself with almost everyone to the point that I overanalyze and scrutinize myself to pieces until my confidence is completely stripped.

Why do we do this to ourselves?

It's so frustrating because while I know that God made me the way that I am, I can't seem to control these consuming thoughts and constant comparisons to others. And yes, I'm going to be totally transparent and honest here- it mostly has to do with looks. I hate admitting that but I'm told that admittance is one step closer to improvement.

There are SO many other things worth my thoughts and worries other than my hair, body, weight, height etc. It frustrates me to no end that I consistently let these petty things consume any of my time, to be honest with you.

I'll never be taller, I can't change my features (plastic surgery is NEVER an option), I'll never look like "that perfect" girl. I can change the way I eat and excercise more to maintain a heathly and toned body and I can't change my hair other than cutting/dying it. I would really like to feel comfortable in my own skin. I'm so tired of this. It really is taxing and so unneccessary and ridiculous. I loathe these thoughts and feelings.

How do you ladies deal with it? I know I'm not alone in this. I know we all struggle with these things (though we all very well should NOT).

I don't ever really like to make posts like this as to not seem as though I need pity or uplifting and encouraging words but I just wanted to be honest and see how some of you overcome these feelings and thoughts that seem to invade EVERY female's mind.

You are all beautiful, by the way and I really mean that.

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." -Proverbs 31:30

I need to dwell upon that verse a lot more. It is so true.

Beauty is fleeting but so very desirable at the same time.

Oh my. Thanks for listening to my rant there, friends. xo

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Charlotte in Pictures.

As I mentioned in my previous post, our weekend road trip to Charlotte, NC was incredible. Though it was short, we fit in so much fun and had an absolutely amazing and refreshing time. I didn't wanna leave.

Kayla, Myself, Emily and Beth all ready to go!

My sweet friend, Beth and I.

Precious Alysa and Beth. I have so much love in my heart for these two.

All of us girls eating at IKEA! It was my first time ever to go to an IKEA and I LOVED it. So amazing and completely overwhelming. The food there was also great and you can literally get a delicious piece of pizza and a drink for $2.50! Can't get much better.

Love them all so much!


All of us piled on Alysa's bed talking and laughing as we did every night. So cozy and fun!

Emily, Myself, Ash and Joe snuggling. :)

I wuv my wittle emmy!

Myself, Alysa and Dillion (a new friend!)

Beth and I at Amelie's, an AMAZING french bakery in Charlotte. It's seriously one of the coolest places I've ever been from the food, to the decor and wonderful! They have a delicious selection of beautiful french pastries and tarts (which is what we would be holding).

My tarts=delicious.

Candid Shot. LOVE the all the hanging lamps!

So there you have it! I can't wait to go back.

Hope you're all having an amazing weekend!!

Thursday, September 10, 2009


My trip to Charlotte, NC simply could not have been better. From the moment we arrived until the moment we departed we were showered with love and acceptance and my heart was flooded moreso with love for the Volk family whom I've known for many, many years. I met more amazing people and it was so refreshing to be in a corporate worship service with a community of believers with the same heart and goal. I was so overwhelmed.

My heart swelled with emotion and love and I longed to be apart of what God is doing there. By the end of the trip (which was only a mere two days) I found myself saying "I want to move here". It was the strangest of sorts considering how "attached" I am to Pensacola and my home here per se but I was sweetly reminded this weekend that being apart of something that is purposeful and eternally minded is of utmost importance.

I've learned to just exist. I'm so tired of it.

I'm so dissatisfied with the mundane and complacent lifestyle I've been leading. It's as if a blind has been lifted from my eyes revealing to me what I have been missing all this time and it bothers me that it's come to this point. I'm not doing what I am called to do. I'm not living as though I should. I know better.

I had a dream the other night that really disturbed me and interrupted my peaceful sleep. I awoke with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and began to cry and pray for all of those involved in the dream. I don't know what God is doing or speaking but it must meant something. It was simply too intense and vivid for it to not.

Last night I spent an extended amount of time skimming my old journals and I really started missing myself. I was so in tune with God's voice and so hungry for more of Him in my life. Love seeped from my heart and poured from my being at that time in my life. I was truly a different person. I don't know what happened. How did I get here?

It's quite scary how easy it to become desensitized and comfortable with things that used to offend you. I don't want to be known as judgemental by any means but I do want to be known as one who lives in a godly manner, upright and pure- fleeing the temptations and desires of this world. This world is so destructive and I want nothing of it. My heart feels like its breaking and in a weird sense, it's SO relieving. I am so glad I feel like this and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt it is God drawing me back to Him.

He never lets us wander off too far...

I'm not sure what is next and I have no idea what to even expect but I do know that I am at a point of sweet surrender, for I can do nothing else. My efforts pale in comparison to His faithfulness.

This is something I wrote nearly 3 years ago when my family was facing a trial of sorts. It spoke volumes to me last night, 3 years later...

Longing for answers that lie in unawaited territories of my mind. Hoping and praying for the moment when my eyes are truly opened to see all that is in front of me, clearly and vividly.

Limitations seem to be a weakness and expectations, an even greater one. When will I come to the complete realization that He really is in control. I seem to say and believe it so nonchalantly but do I truly believe and trust with my entire heart?

I so desire to come to the place that has been so long awaited.

The eagerness that I contain overrules my fear. Although the path before me is unclear and hazy, I am stepping out in faith and a totally surrendered will.

When you have come to edge of all light that you know and are familiar with and you are about to drop off into the abyss of darkness and the unknown, faith is knowing one of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand upon or you will be taught to fly.


Here are lyrics to a song I simply cannot stop listening to lately.

"More Than Ashes"
by Tim Reimherr

I’m more than what these ashes say
They will fade away when He comes for me
By grace, through faith in Christ I’m saved
I am not the same when He looks at me

I am the rose, the joy for which You died
And this I know, I move You with delight
And when my heart condemns on every side
I take refuge in the truth: I am the rose to You

My life is more than meets the eye
I’m hidden now in Christ and I’m one with Him
My love is real before His eyes
He’s ravished by the sight of one glance from me

I am the rose, I am the lily

I am Yours, I’m Your beauty

I’m more than what these ashes say

‘Cause they will fade away when He comes for me
My love is real before His eyes
He’s ravished by the sight of one glance from me


Much love.


Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Just some stuff.

Good morning sunshines.

I'm going to keep this short and sweet due to my being at work. I should be doing work. There is always much to do, catch up on and begin. I mustn't waste all of my time blogging as I am not paid to do so but it is oh so tempting!

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend. Mine was fabulous. It basically consisted of staying in my pajamas all day and watching movies with my sisters and one of my best friends. It was glorious. It nearly rained the entire weekend so it made for great shut in's with movies and junk food. Can't get much better.

I am leaving for Charlotte, NC in 3 days with my sisters and dear friend, Beth. We're going to visit some of our wonderful friends, the Volks. They came and stayed with us this summer. We had SO much fun. They're without a doubt one of the best families I know. I can't wait to spend time with them!

As soon as I get off work on Friday, we will head that way. I'm so thankful for Labor day permitting me to take this short road trip!

Can you believe it's September 1st?! This year has flown. It's insane. I don't like how fast this time is going as my family will be leaving soon but I am excited about fall and everything it brings. Summer has been great but this heat and humidity has gotten the best of me. I'm ready for a fresh change and breezier weather.

I hope you all have a fabulous day!