Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Being honest here...

I have a problem. It's one that I cannot seem to overcome either. No matter how hard I try.

I compare myself with almost everyone to the point that I overanalyze and scrutinize myself to pieces until my confidence is completely stripped.

Why do we do this to ourselves?

It's so frustrating because while I know that God made me the way that I am, I can't seem to control these consuming thoughts and constant comparisons to others. And yes, I'm going to be totally transparent and honest here- it mostly has to do with looks. I hate admitting that but I'm told that admittance is one step closer to improvement.

There are SO many other things worth my thoughts and worries other than my hair, body, weight, height etc. It frustrates me to no end that I consistently let these petty things consume any of my time, to be honest with you.

I'll never be taller, I can't change my features (plastic surgery is NEVER an option), I'll never look like "that perfect" girl. I can change the way I eat and excercise more to maintain a heathly and toned body and I can't change my hair other than cutting/dying it. I would really like to feel comfortable in my own skin. I'm so tired of this. It really is taxing and so unneccessary and ridiculous. I loathe these thoughts and feelings.

How do you ladies deal with it? I know I'm not alone in this. I know we all struggle with these things (though we all very well should NOT).

I don't ever really like to make posts like this as to not seem as though I need pity or uplifting and encouraging words but I just wanted to be honest and see how some of you overcome these feelings and thoughts that seem to invade EVERY female's mind.

You are all beautiful, by the way and I really mean that.

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." -Proverbs 31:30

I need to dwell upon that verse a lot more. It is so true.

Beauty is fleeting but so very desirable at the same time.

Oh my. Thanks for listening to my rant there, friends. xo


Becky said...

Sweetie, take it from an ancient 32-year-old, you are cute as a button and shouldn't change a THING! You're right, beauty is so fleeting...wait until you have a baby and then it REALLY goes! This is why it's so important to love yourself as a person, not some image. Because that image in the mirror WILL change. And don't be tempted to compare, it will only make you crazy. Just be 100% YOU, and you will be happy! I've never been less pretty in my life, yet I'm happier than I ever could have dreamed of being. Sometimes beauty does not equal happiness. In fact, I think it rarely does. Hugs to you!

Jessica said...

Oh, sweet Amber......this is a plague, isn't it? I suffer from it, too.

I've found that it really helps me to remember that the "other girl," the one I'm comparing myself to, probably thinks similar thoughts about herself, and that she might just be looking at ME and thinking she wants to be like me.

There was a girl at my church awhile back - one of our worship leaders - who was GORGEOUS - the kind we all love to hate. She was beautiful, mad talented, so confident...... And then I talked to her, and she told me that she wished she were more like ME. She said her confidence was an act, and that she HATES being in front of people because it makes her so self conscious.

Somehow hearing that put things into perspective. I have to remind myself of that constantly, but it does help.

Thank you for sharing your heart. We should all be so honest.

mrs.leah.maria said...

Oh hun, it's so easy to fall into the trap. I do mean this as encouragement, but what gets me through is the love of my husband. The knowledge that he still looks at me today the way he did when he first met me, at a point when I was far from perfect. I don't allow Tony's love to define me, but knowing that I have a strong man of God who finds me attractive is usually enough for me. The encouragement is that God has someone in mind for you and he will also find you at a point where you still find yourself lacking, but he won't and hopefully through viewing yourself through his eyes . . . maybe, just maybe then you'll release yourself from these lies.

Anonymous said...

We all do it! It's awful and something I am trying to work on. It helps to remember the person I am comparing myself to is, more than likely, comparing herself to me or someone else. It also helps to focus on qualities I have that I am proud of. I may not have the perfect hair or body, but I know that I have honesty and kindness that other people may want or admire. Everyone is special in their own way. Sometimes, depending on the situation, it can be beneficial to compare ourselves to others. This may help us better ourselves. For example, if you see someone who volunteers,and you respect that-you may decide to volunteer. We just have to remember not to be jealous of what we don't have that others have, and know that we are beautiful. :) I'm reading a book by Julie Clinton and Mary Byers called Extraordinary Women (I highly recommend it), and she has a chapter on this. At the end, there is a prayer that says, "As God's daughter, you are beautiful in His eyes, and He loves you with an everlasting love."

In this wonderful life... said...

I think you are beautiful!!! Just embrace yourself.. you only live once :)

Morgan said...

Oh beautiful Amber, I am so sorry you are feeling these things! I know you weren't looking for "beautiful" comments..but I must tell you how I feel. You are soo incredibley B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L! I am not just saying that either, I promise. After browsing your facebook pics I was jealous, your skine tone is ~perfect~..I don't think I could spot one pimple in any of them if I wanted to. Your hair is so full and lively, and your eyes are gorgeous! Before you posted this post I was seriously going to ask you on facebook how you do your makeup, and then after reading this post I figured this was a more appropriate place to ask. Your makeup looks professional..especially your eye makeup! Any tips/advice? I have a VERY fair skin tone so my makeup always looks like "too much". Any makeup tips would be greatly appreciated! :)

p.s.- Yes, I have totally neglected my blog because of facebook! haha!

Robert Henry IV said...

A male can relate if anyone wants to hear the male side? hahaha

LissaMarie said...

I have to say that reading your post made me feel like I wrote it. I don't really have any advice for you but just know that there are plenty of other girls out there who feel the same way as you and remember to try and stay positive towards yourself because that is when you radiate the most =]

Vicki said...

I so agree with Becky..
But I am even more ancient! lol
Coming from the over 40 group, you are so beautiful! and I love your faithfulness and the special relationship you have with your family. I admire your enthusiasm with life!
But I do know something about comparing yourself to others. I agree that they are probably doing the very same thing. We all look at ourselves and want to be as pretty and perfect as we can.
Thru age you will learn to accept yourself as you.
Me personally, I will never be a super model beauty. I am not as thin as I would like to be - i could do better!
But what I do like about me is that I am optimistic, cute, happy, caring, committed to things and people that are important to me, my loved ones know that I would walk thru fire for them! I LOVE being a Mom and wife! I like to help others and be around people.
We all have our gifts to offer - these are the very GIFTS that God has blessed us with.
I know you will find the inner peace you are struggling for - as you are so very special and have alot to offer! I am happy to know you - even here in the blogosphere! I'm happy to count you as a friend!
Love ya cute stuff!

Natalie said...

Awesome post. Relates to what I'm feeling today. While I'm comfortable in my height (5'11) I still have over-anazlyzing thoughts every single day about my weight/looks. We all are gorgeous and there are days we need to tell this to ourselves. It's very hard. I'll never be a size 2, 4, 6. I'm built with my height and I sometimes like it and many times hate it. I always compare myself to others and it can destroy so many things. I've even done it so much as to hurt my relationship some days (although I don't tell him, I get very silent and he knows I'm in my "thinking" stage). All girls compare themselves. I think society has played a huge role in this. How many short models are there? How many chunky actresses are there? Blah. No matter what though, every day, every girl will have these thoughts.