Friday, September 18, 2009

Open my eyes to love these.

She carefully examined her mirrored reflection in the tainted glass. Her small frame and sunken eyes greatly displeased her. Peering for several moments she did not make any attempt to fix what she saw and became a victim of indirect criticism. Words flooding her mind only intensifying the hatred toward what she beheld.

"Ugly, fat, repulsive, unfashionable, pale"- all words that ran through her head repeatedly. The scars on her frail wrists told the most truth and the emptiness deep within her eyes spoke the facts. No glimmer of hope to be found, only pure worthlessness, betrayal, feelings of anxiety and hatred filled her being. Her innocence trespassed and violated leaving her with nothing but absolute fear. Rejected by her world, her family, herself.

"Why go on? Why face it all over again tomorrow? Why hurt, Why cry? Why bleed?"

All silent cries, unseen and uncared for. Lonliness becomes her dearest friend and deception seeps into her core, withdrawing and feeding on every lie that resounds within her mind. She's become a victim of her own, inflicting pain upon herself and punishing herself for who she is not. Her scars display rejection of self, a need to release pressure by obstucting her tender veins. In a sense it's a relief to her. Temporary highs give her an escape, to flee the current pains and dissatisfaction she feels. Her heart senses no love, peace or hope- only fear and distrust.

How many have I crossed paths with? How many have I had the profound opportunity of speaking with? How many have I left "with hope"?

My prayer today is that I would be drawn to these young girls and women whom I know I come in contact with often and that in someway I can offer something that can in fact ease their pain and soften their hearts. How my heart breaks for them. How my heart hurts when I just think about their lives and the constant pain they face within their broken and dysfunctional homes.

I do not know their pain, I do not know their heartache, I can not relate but I have hope and more importantly, love to offer them. I can show them love, I can show them acceptance when the world and even sometimes "christians" shut them out because society calls them "emo" and/or "gothic" and categorizes them as though they're compartmentalized and not possessing a human heart, soul and feelings.

If we would just be the body. If we could be like Jesus and embrace these. God forbid we get our hands a little bit dirty in doing so.

Love. Love. Love.

I've said it so many times. I know there are SO many facets of the word of God that we are to follow and obey, but love is the greatest. Love sent Jesus to die for us, LOVE laid down His own life for us, LOVE conquered death, LOVE rose again, LOVE has a purpose for us. I PROMISE you that when you truly love someone it completely changes everything. It goes from you trying to change them to being their friend and someone they can talk to.

God will give them conviction and bring them to repentance, that is NOT our place, nor our job. For when and if we enforce "conviction" I believe that they get saved out of guilt or condemnation and that will take them no where. It's a divine work of the Holy Spirit in which we cannot interfere. We simply love them, pray for them and speak into their lives.I know I must sound like a broken record, but I just feel so strongly about this whole subject and matter.

Show love. Love is the movement.

Despite my current hardships and circumstances, may my eyes be unveiled to see others in a different show love and hope even when I am hurting. Life is so short and so many things that consume my time and thoughts are not worth it. I want to make a difference and I desire to be a light and encouragement to others. Not in myself but through Jesus in me.

I pray that I do not pass these by. I pray that my heart and hands will always be willing and ready to embrace a broken soul.


Anonymous said...

This: "I want to make a difference and I desire to be a light and encouragement to others. Not in myself but through Jesus in me" is me word for word. Beautiful post. It breaks my hear to know some people are in so much pain. I can't imagine being in a state where those types of thoughts ran through my head. Thankfully, there are people in the world who are kind enough to extend a hand or ear to help them.

Anonymous said...

P.S. I tagged you on my blog for something. :)

Crazy Shenanigans said...

Such a great post!

Shanny said...

Wow Amber, this was a great post. Very touching.

....I left you an award on my blog, by the way =)

C @ Project Pretty said...

You are such an inspiration. Thank you for posting this. *hugs*