Monday, June 29, 2009

My Beloved.

"I hear the voice, the voice of the one I love. He's calling my name..."

Jesus, beckon me. Summon me. I'm so unfulfilled by the fading desires and temptations that the world has to offer me. They leave me feeling more empty and lifeless, yet these fleeting desires have the ultimate power of wooing me and distracting me away from you. Help me keep my eyes fixed on you. My life is not my own. I want to make decisions that are in my best interest and that keep me untainted by these ever increasing worldly cravings.

My flesh and my heart may fail, but you are my strength forever. I am human. I know that I struggle with sinful desires but I long to keep myself pure from everything that hinders you and your anointing in my life. Sure, I fall and screw up. It's inevitable. Please help me realize that my rise is greater than my fall, my determintation is stronger than my hestitation, my resistance is more fulfilling than tempation and your grace is so much more sufficient than my consistent failed attempts.

I see dark, you see lovely. I see ashes, you see beauty.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

So much love.

The precious Volk family made their leave yesterday afternoon and my heart was unbelievably sad to say goodbye to these wonderful people. I hate goodbyes.

We all went and watched "My Sister's Keeper" before they left and Not a good note to end on. That movie is emotionally draining. Tears continuously poured and poured and poured from all of our eyes during the entire course of the film. Here is a picture to prove it. I definitely recommend going to see this movie, if you think you can handle it. It is very moving but also heart wrenching.

I'm so sad that they are all gone. Our house feels so empy and lifeless today as I am the only one here along with my parents. It's been a long and very eventful week so rest is appreciated but I just want everyone back :(

Now, one of us smiling... Gosh i have so much love in my heart for all of them. They are so uplifting and just incredible. Words can't even explain...

I got to spend the entire day yesterday with one of the sweetest and most amazing friends of mine, Beth Taylor and it was so refreshing and relaxing. I love every moment spent with her. She is amazing.

Didn't end up going to Tampa :( Said friend earlier mentioned was scheduled to work a double and could not get out of it. It works out for the best though. I am exhausted from a long week and I'll be making my way down there to see him in a few weekends. It's all good.

I can't forget to mention my deep sadness over the death of Michael Jackson. What a total shock! I still can't believe it. I have watched many specials and tributes and they make me so sad. My sister and I used to be obsessed with his music video in Free Willy. I believe we watched it about 5 times the other night...oh the memories. My heart and prayers go out to his family during this time. I know there has been a lot of controversy and accusations over the last few years but he was most definitely a world known icon, will always be the "King of Pop" and he does bear a soul. RIP Michael Jackson. Also, RIP Farrah Fawcett. MJ's death overshadowed hers but she was also very much loved and died in her battle against cancer. I watched part of the documentary that she did going through her cancer and it is heartbreaking. Loved her. June 25th was a crazy day!

I hope you're all having a tremendous weekend!

Thursday, June 25, 2009

...never seeks it's own gain

Love, that is.

There is a new song on my lips these last couple of days entitled 1 Corinthians 13. You know, that passage that talks about love? One of my all time favorite passages of scripture, by far. I've recently discovered (with the help of some dear friends) a new collaboration of worship artists that I happen to really enjoy by the name of United Pursuit and they do this song and it is beautiful. I can't get it out of my head and it has been resounding withing my spirit for a few days now.

I've done a lot of introspective thinking and observing lately, of myself. I'm undoubtedly happiest when I'm behind the keys of my piano, my voice singing sweet lyrics of adoration to my Savior. I'm going to begin writing music again. I've jotted down so many ideas and inspirations within a safely bound notebook that has been bound and stowed away for far too long, but even more importantly allow my heart to to be open and unlocked again to do that which makes me feel so alive. Music is the equivalent of breathing for me. I thank God for placing the desire and ability within me to make music to honor Him. It is so fulfilling and exuberating.

I want a love so pure and real that never seeks it's own gain. I want a love so raw and true that inspires melodies and harmonies to not only touch my fathers heart but also the lives and hearts of others.

Make me a vessel that is willing to be used, willing to be filled and willing to be poured out in your honor, Lord.

Friday, June 19, 2009

I am...

...Wanting to be swept away from reality, wholly and completely for just a moment and feel the embrace of a God so big and so strong, yet so gentle and sweet.

...Wishing I was more apt to believe what I can't see rather than always having to figure things out on my own. It seems as though this is crippling to me. My soul must rest at ease when faced with the mystery of the unknown.

...Hoping that in the meantime I fall hopelessly and wrecklessly in love with my sweet Savior whom I seem to neglect all to often as the worries and concerns of everyday life and routine steal my attention. I need not be so fixated on how I will get where I am going or what my exact destination is. This is a journey and it is to be beautiful and exciting, with winds, bends and bumps to keep me on edge and experience the thrill of every aspect.

...Contemplating the vast beauty around me in every shape and form. The sunrise each and every morning I wake up to, the beautiful emerald ocean and white sand that is just minutes from my house and the beautiful blue sky that envelopes me every day. People, whether it be my precious family or dear friends, people I come in contact with at work or people I see in passing. May I notice the beauty radiating from each and every person, place or object I am confronted with. On that note, I have met some really beautiful people lately. I love it when people's inner beauty matches or exceeds their outer beauty, it is SO refreshing. It seems as though God has put many of these in my path and I am in absolute awe of how many sweet people I know.

...Learning to rest in my weariness and cast my burdens at His feet. I am not meant to bear each and every load alone and he is just waiting for me to unload on him and fall back into his arms limply surrendering. I'm loosening my grasp...

I am alive.

I am loved.

I am so blessed.

And I am His.

Friday, June 12, 2009

How Appropriate.

I got this in an e-mail and couldn't help but post it as I find it to be filled with insight and truth. It definitely causes some introspective thought, at least it did on my part. Enjoy...

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, ' I love you ' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.


Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

-George Carlin

There really isn't much to say or add to that.

I hope you all have a most wonderful weekend!

Much love,


Thursday, June 11, 2009

Not a good start to my morning and some other randomosities.

Started off my morning with a nice big cup of coffee...ahh refreshing. Got to work with coffee in hand and spilled it ALL OVER my desk, chair and floor. Oh joy. Freaked out for a second and then ran to the back to get a roll of paper towels and soaked up coffee for a good ten minutes and wiped it down with windex. Now my office smells like coffee and windex and it's giving me a headache.

Just opened the drawer in my desk to retrieve the payment box key and to my amazement, it is filled with coffee! Seriously?!

All I wanted was to drink a cup of coffee this morning...sheesh!

Silver lining- tomorrow is Friday. Thank you Jesus.

-Last night I went out with my best friend for sushi and can i just say that I am now obsessed with the vegetable roll, only I add cream cheese to it and OH MY GOSH it is delicious! I could eat it every day for the rest of life. Yes.

-Later, we went to Fish House for ladies night. Every drink is only $2 for ladies. I don't really drink but every now and then, once in a blue moon will sip on something. I like being sober. We had a good time until some creepers were trying to dance all up on us and then we quickly exited. Ughhh.

-Bought two really cute maxi dresses for only $10 each! I'm beginning to fall in love with the long dresses. I have like 9 now and could literally wear them every day. They are so cute and cool for summertime.

-Going to hear my friends, The Gills play out at Pensacola beach tonight!

-Super ready for the weekend and the beach! Bring it on!

Hope you're all having a lovely week!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Here I am!

I'm so sorry you've experienced such neglect dear blog and readers.

I'm going to try and concoct a list of valid "excuses" in which I hope you will understand...

-I have been so insanely busy at work that my head hurts from it.

-There is so much changing around me and I haven't had time yet to let it all seep in and gather my thoughts and feeling toward it.

-My laptop contracted a nasty virus that has not allowed me to get on the net for some time. I took it into the Geek Squad only to find that it would cost me around $250.00 to have it cleaned up and running smoothly again...ouch.

-I am not feeling very inspired.

So, there are my reasons. I hope that you will continue reading as I still will be posting! Just maybe not as frequently as lately. I'm feeling a little blogging slump coming on. =/ We all go through those, right?

I'm still reading! ;)

Much love!

Friday, June 5, 2009

Heck Yes!!

So guess who is going to see Earth, Wind and Fire and Chicago tonight?!


I'm going with my best friends to Orange Beach! I love being spontaneous!

This automatically put me in an AMAZING mood!


News to me.

Lots of things are changing...

I kind of feel like I should be more careful about what I share on here as to not look make my family look so fickle.

We're really not.

For those of you who have been following, you know that my family was planning to start a church in our area and no matter how ideal and right it seemed and felt, something kind of crept up on us and completely shattered that dream.


I'm really trying not to be so disappointed but at this point, it's all I can be.

There is some excitement, however regarding the future for my family. It does entail moving and essentially leaving the place and home where we grew up. I hate that more than anything. I'm trying to be excited for them. I really am. I want nothing but success, prosperity and happiness for my Dad. He has worked so hard all of his life for us and he deserves a break of some sort.

Now the big question... What am I going to do?

Honestly, I have absolutely no idea whatsoever what I am going to do. As far as I know right now, I'm staying put in Pensacola, at my job, with my friends, in my hometown. I have no desire to move anytime soon. The mere thought upsets me.

Who knows what could happen between now and then? I could end up anywhere.

The circumstance and situation surrounding and influencing this decision make absolute and perfect sense. It's just not what I wanted. But I guess it's not about what I want, is it?

Decisions. Decisions.

Not fun, my friends.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Not again.

I'm so very tired this morning and my allergies and sinuses are in attack mode. It's absolutely miserable. My sweet sleep was interrupted frequently last night thanks to itchy eyes and sneezing. Ugh. I feel like I am always dealing with this. I guess I need to go see a Doctor sometime about it. I am just so anti-medicine. I hate taking medicine.

1 20 oz. cappuccino is necessary to get me through this day. Thank you Lord for the gift of caffeine.

Wishing it was friday...

Tuesday, June 2, 2009


Today I received a phone call from a local car dealer stating that one of our insured's had recently purchased a brand new vehicle and was inquiring as to if they had added it onto their current policy with us yet. I kindly offered to assist and proceeded to look up this policyholder's records. Alas, this vehicle had not been added. Which came as no surprise to me as most policyholders have 2 weeks to add a newly acquired vehicle anyway.

The dealer responded with an "I guess you're not aware of what happened, are you?" To which I stated "No, sir."

Let me first preface this with a brief background of this policyholder. He's in his mid eighties and is quite possibly one of the sweetest old men I've ever talked to. I've yet to meet him in person but he is always so friendly and full of joy over the phone. His voice is sweet and he ends each conversation with "I love ya in the Lord!" So cute! I love it.

Okay, back to the story...

The dealer then went into this whole story of how Mr. Sweet Old Man had gone above and beyond his efforts to purchase a brand new, perfect, gorgeous Cadillac CTS in pristine condition to surprise his bride of 60 years. Apparently, he had been planning to do so for months and finally found the perfect vehicle, complete with cashmere interior as well as all of the other bells and whistles. He waited until about 9:00pm one night to make sure his wife was sleeping and he ventured out to make the final purchase to have it sitting in the driveway to greet his bride the next morning along with a letter he had put his entire heart and soul into, telling her how much she meant to him and how she deserved to have the "best of the best" in life.

At this point, I am just awing and smiling as I think it's just one of the sweetest things I've ever heard!

He then proceeds to tell me that the next morning to Mr. Sweet Old Man's amazement, his wife was extremely angry and hasty about the decision he had made and locked him out of the house! She stated that she would not accept the ridiculous purchase and she wanted her old vehicle back. So, Mr. Sweet Old Man went back to the dealership and had to purchase her old vehicle back. So, now he has to pay for it all over again and pay for the other one as he now plans to give it to his daughter.

Tears literally almost dispelled from my eyes at this point as I thought of how crushed he must have felt.

I can't imagine how anyone could treat a sweet, thoughtful and caring old man this way. It hurt my heart.

I thanked the dealer for his information and stated that I would call Mr. Sweet Old Man about getting coverage on the new vehicle.

So, I called...

And his wife answered the phone, hastily. I'm assuming that she is still hot about the whole situation.

He finally gets on the phone and greets me with a "Hello Ms.! Praise the Lord, it's a beautiful day isn't it?" I couldn't help but smile and agree.

So, I asked him about everything and he states that he is going to purchase coverage for the car but tells me that his wife still isn't speaking to him. He sounds so distraught about it. My heart broke for him.

So, I ask if we can set up an appointment for him to come this week.

He responds enthusiatically with "Oh Ms, I've got a fine ceremony to attend on Friday morning at 7:45 am. I'm finally getting my purple hearts! Ms, you're more than welcome to attend! Just tell them you're here for Mr. ******* and they will escort you in and sit you right behind me, valet parking and everything!" and he continues to tell me of his courageous war experiences. I was tearing up at this point. He was so sweet and so full of joy and life for all that he had been through. I don't know who he married but I can't imagine ever being nasty to this sweet old man. I just don't get some people.

We ended our call after he gave me a brief synopsis of his experience in World War 2 and he was faithful as always to say "I love ya in the Lord!"

I'm looking forward to meeting him in person.

I love sweet old people.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Happy Monday, sweet friends. I hope you all had a glorious weekend!

Mine was wonderful. It was spent with dear friends and family and once again, the weather was absolutely amazing. My grandparents came into town and we met them and a bunch of friends for dinner on Friday night at a pizza place on perdido beach where an Elvis impersonator entertained. It was fun. I was able to fit in a few hours at the beach on Saturday morning and loved every second of it. Saturday night, we celebrated my friends 21st birthday party at a condo on the beach. So, I basically spent my whole weekend at the beach in some from or another. I'm not complaining though :)

Yesterday morning, I was greeted by some "not very cool" news from my parents in which I won't go into detail about just yet, as my sisters are not even aware. As far as I know, they don't even read this blog but in the case that they should, it would not be a very good way for them to find out. So, more on that later.

Hope you all have a wonderful Monday!