It is well with my soul...

"When peace like a river attendeth my way
When sorrow like sea billows roll
Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say
It is well, it is well with my soul"

My all time favorite hymn was sung last night in the midst of many young people during a "hardcore" show. I'm not a hardcore music fan, AT ALL. I actually hate it to be honest with you. I knew that the band was Christian but I was NOT expecting them to bust out in this old hymn after their rendition of roaring screams and barking guitars. They were solemn and peaceful as they sang this song and it brought much comfort to my heart.

Everytime I hear this hymn, I cry. I just can't help it. It ushers an unreal peace into my spirit and it's almost as if I can feel my soul being held.

The concept of this old tune is amazing if you really think about it and comprehend the lyrics. Though current situations and circumstances attempt to rob me of my peace, contentment, and joy there is something much deeper than what I'm scratching the surface of and there is a place where I can find refuge and safety, where my mind and heart can be at ease.

The story behind this song is very inspiring and influential. Horatio Spafford wrote these words having undergone several traumatic events in his life. The first was the death of his only son in 1871, shortly followed by the Great Chicago Fire which ruined him financially (he had been a successful lawyer). Then in 1873 he had planned to travel to Europe with his family on the S.S. Ville e Havre but sent the family ahead while he was delayed on business. While crossing the Atlantic the ship sank rapidly after a collision with another ship, and all four of Spafford's daughters died. His wife Anna survived and sent him the now famous telegram, "Saved alone." Shortly afterwards, as Spafford traveled to meet his grieving wife, he was inspired to write these words as his ship passed near where his daughters had died. These words rang deep within his spirit and inspired one of today's most popular hymns.

The loss that this man suffered cannot even remotely compare to my current situations and yet, he penned these words as if contending with God that He was sufficient enough. That though he was aching as though he had never ached before, it was well with his soul.

I don't know what you're going through but I do know that we all face difficult situations and unfortunate circumstances along this journey and it can be overwhelming to say the least. I know for me, I tend to always shove things so far down inside as if pretending it's all okay, when in fact, it isn't. God is revealing to me the act of truly "laying it all down", whether I'm overwhelmed with sadness, anxiety, grief, anger, hurt, bitterness or whatever it may be that I am feeling. His grace is sufficient for me and his power is made perfect when I am so weak and despaired. Though my current situation doesn't bring me peace and contentment, He does. And despite my state of emotion, It is well with my soul.

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change, though the mountains shake in the heart of the sea; though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble with its tumult.” -Psalm 46:1-3

“Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” -Matthew 11:28-30

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid.” -John 14:27

Dreaming, living, learning...

Why is it that the totality of what is real retains our desires and keeps our dreams as being simply dreams and nothing more?

Fearing to pursue your dreams and desires is a waste of dreaming.

Why have hopeful thoughts and wish for something attainable if you'll fail to make strides toward a goal in order to fulfill a purpose you believe you were created for?

Stepping outside of comfort and stability is the first stride you must make, yet is probably the most difficult. Believing in yourself, clinging to your faith and trust and staying true to who you are and what you believe defines a person. I believe I have not fully encountered and pursued that which I was created for. I believe that God has a much bigger plan than I even have for myself, yet my human mind cannot grasp nor can fathom the mystery of His purpose, the secrets of His heart and the vastness of His thoughts. I guess there really are no words I can say, write or even feel to describe what I feel, it's utterly impossible. I could sit here and type a million words and probably never get my point across because it goes far beyond myself and this english vocabulary that I humbly attempt to utilize hoping to successfully convey that which is confined within my small brain and big heart seem to be more of a strain. Words spill over blunderingly, severley straining the powers of endurance in hopefulness. Hopefulness that whoever reads this isn't totally and completely confused and can somehow and in some way remotely understand ?? If not, then still my time was not spent wastefully. No. I'm entering a new place where opinions of man are not of highest value to me, I've allowed that to get the best of me and to consume a good percentage of my thoughts, thus enforcing my actions and greatly affecting my self esteem. I know who I am. My identity lies not in myself or my striving efforts to be someone, but in He who created me and knows my every thought, hope, desire, wish, intricate detail, feelings, hurts, weaknesses, pride, what I'm going through, and how I truly feel even when I, myself don't understand. My mind cannot comprehend this truth but I know that it is truth.

If I don't have faith and if I don't believe then I am of no value or worth and life is of no importance. How am I supposed to live without a purpose? I can't begin to believe that life just "happened". I'm a dreamer, I wish, I believe, I have faith and I know that my faith is what keeps me going because if not for that, I would be in a dreadful place right now.

If not for the fact that this is all for something more, something holding meaning and something beyond me then I would have given up long ago. Nothing has been wasted, no time has been consumed, no tear has been in vain and no pain has been without reason or without deep meaning. I've hurt. I've withstood. I've backed up. I've observed. I've kept silent. I've said much. I've been doubtful. I've been fearful. I've lost hope. I've lost trust. I've been bitter. I've let pain overrule me and I've had shame but I've also forgiven and been forgiven and I've objected to everything that poisons my heart and that taints my pure thoughts.

My Faith has kept me strong and I've continued dreaming. Don't kill your dreams for fear of what they might say. Don't neglect your heartfelt desires because they seem impossible. There's more than I thought, there's more than I know and there's so much more that I've yet to discover.

Endeavoring on a journey so adventurous, bewildering, alarming and totally frightening, I must.

Life is what you make it. I have the power to change my perspective and to look beyond my current circumstances. I am no longer subject to that which brings me down and wishes to defeat me.