Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Oh life.

My oh my.

How things change. Continually learning.

We're all moved out and moving day definitely tops as one of the most difficult days of my entire life. It was emotionally draining and exhausting in every aspect. I didn't get much sleep during the month of October with all of the packing, moving sales and then final moving day on the weekends. Needless to say, the immense lack of sleep most definitely attributed to my emotions and state. I was quite a sight to behold.

So many of our friends came out and helped all day long. It was such a blessing and truly reminded us of how loved we are. We really do know some of the most incredible people! So blessed.

The day was so long and drawn out. Oh and to top it off, not all of our stuff fit in the truck. Lovely indeed. We rented a storage unit and were forced to make trips back and forth with all the leftover junk. So much fun.

My family left last Sunday and made their way across 3 states away from me :( I miss them so very much. It is so weird not seeing them every day.

They endured some extreme hardships along the way but God remained faithful and steadfast and only proved to them that they were in His will. It seemed as though it was the final test. They handled their circumstance with grace and dignity and prayed and God came through for them. It's quite a story. I assume my mom will write about it in her blog at some point. With my not being there, I just could not do the story justice. So, I will post a link when she writes about the happenings.

While I am beyond happy for my family and their new adventures, I don't like the idea of getting used to not seeing them all of the time...

It looks as though I just might have to, though.

As of last week, I made the decision that I will be staying in Pensacola until at least January or so. I'm not really quite sure what triggered this huge change of mind and heart but it happened. I have never essentially been "on my own" before and I believe that this will be a very crucial time in my life to grow and learn. I could very well be making the worst decision by choosing to stay but it is my decision and if it ends up being a bad one, I will own up to it.

I have a track record for always doing what everyone else wants me to do and when and how they want me to do it. This will honestly be the first time in my life that I've made a decision for "me". I know that may sound really selfish but I kind of want to be selfish right now, as horrible as that sounds. I just want to experience this and I want to explore and find out for "me" what is the best thing at the right time. Does that make sense?

It breaks my heart that my family is so sad about me not coming when I had proposed and honestly my emotions have been swaying and changing so much but this is the decision that I have made and I am sticking to it.

Life really does have a way of unexpectedly taking you by complete and utter surprise.

So much has happened between my last post and now. SO MUCH. It feels as though these last 10 days have more or less like 6 months with all of the changes I have experienced and undergone. It's absolutely insane. I have a lot to catch up on, reading-wise and posting. Bear with me. I'm getting back into the swing of things, my friends. :)


Ophelia said...

You made the best decision for YOU. I think that's phenomenal and it takes a lot of courage. I'm thinking of you :)

Annie said...

i don't know what you could be feeling but i know it would be so difficult to be away from my family. my parents live 2 minutes away from me and i couldn't imagine it being it any other way.
i hope that things get easier for you hun and you adjust to your new way of living, you have done something to better yourself and your life. i'm sure your family is happy for you!!
sending you a big HUG!!

Molly said...

being away from your family is SO hard, i know! i haven't lived close to mine in over 6 years. at the same time, though, you do grow up, you learn alot about yourself, and you become independent.
i think you will look back and be so grateful for the way things have worked out. just do what you know deep down you are supposed to do and everything will be awesome!

OceanDreams said...

Hello my sweet blogger love, first off I am so super proud of you for taking a huge step and being independent. I know how hard it is being away from your family...you will always miss them but you fill find a bright you that you never thought was possible. As I mentioned before I moved away at 18 to go to college...now at 25 I have been in Cali for 7 years! I have changed so much and even though I am lonely for them, I get to see them as often as I can travel with my job. I am sure you are going to find joy in your new life and at the same time it will be hard. I will be praying for you, hang in there sweetie and just take one day at a time!

Crazy Shenanigans said...

I know the first time I was far away from family that it was rough for me for awhile. Hang in there, you can do it and it'll get easier!

mrs.leah.maria said...

You're doing well hun! Now time for another update! :)