Wednesday, November 11, 2009

So there's this situation...

Why is it so difficult to return to your blog when you've been absent for more than so many days? I think I just get overwhelmed and begin feeling disconnected from all of you sweet folk and I don't like it, one bit. So, here I go...

I hope this post finds all of you enjoying this wonderful day. I have been an extremely poor commenter but that does not mean I have not been reading as of late. :)

Life is...crazy, point blank. I wish so badly that I could unravel and elaborate on the series of events that have transpired over the last two weeks but to be on the rather safe side, I will try not to go into too much detail.. Just know that it's kind of a big deal and it may or may not have to do with a certain (and ONLY) someone who I dated 3 years ago. Yeah, the only boyfriend I have ever had in my entire life has somehow made his way back into my life and may or may not be trying to win my heart again and it may be working. There are way too many details and history there that it would take me hours to fill you all in on. It feels really good in a sense to have this familiarity in my life, at this very strange state I'm finding myself in lately. I am just afraid that I am too vulnerable and sensitive at this season in my life to make a hasty decision.

I'm thoroughly enjoying his company and he has done the absolute sweetest things in the entire world to ensure that I am happy and content. I can't even put into words the lengths and efforts that he has gone to in order to show that he still cares about my wellbeing and happiness. So sweet. It is so very flattering and inevitably makes me feel amazing but on another level, it also kind of scares me.

You see, I'm the one who broke things off 3 years ago. Apparently (according to all of our friends), he has never gotten over me. :Melting heart: Such a good guy, really.

So, here's where I am finding myself...

Confused. Analytical. Frustrated. Happy. Content. Scared. Freaked out. Unsure.

Prayer seems to really be the only thing that could possibly help at this point.

I don't deal well with outside pressure and there are so many people either rooting for us to get back together or vice versa. Oh, another big problem...I care WAY too much about other people's opinions. Ridiculous, I know.

He made me the most thoughful gift anyone has EVER given to me in my life. He took hundreds of pictures off of my facebook from every era of my life and had them printed in black and white and made the most beautiful collage/montage of my life in pictures. It's MASSIVE. It had to have taken him hours upon hours. I can't even imagine. He brought it to where I was staying and set it up for me with a card to come upon when I got home from work. I was speechless when I saw it. I seriously couldn't even wrap my mind around it. There are pictures from when I was a baby to pretty much every vital season in my life- all of my friends, family, animals, the house I grew up in etc. It's incredible. Seriously, I think you all have probably already gathered that I am an extremely sentimental person. Pictures are SO important to me. This gift was above and beyond amazing in every aspect. It sits in a beautiful frame (made to fit the picture) with the words etched in the middle... "Every season runs it's course but family is an eternal constant". Simply beautiful.

I don't understand this love and admiration for me.

I have no idea.

I know his pursuit spoiled me. He pursued me for almost two years before we started dating and he did the most insane things and really put his heart on the line to be with me. I compare any guys interest in me to his. If a guy professes he wants to go out with me, I want him to chase me. Crazy, I know.

I don't understand it.

He's special to me and holds a very dear place in my heart but I'm scared to go there again.

I never in a million years saw this coming. I'm not even so sure what is going on, to be honest.

Oh pray for me, ladies.



Lindsey said...

Oh friend, hugs! I'm praying for you!!

A Moms Perspective said...

Sweetheart follow your heart.....I love you and support any decision you make, but maybe you don't need to make any decision yet. I think he's happy just being your friend and if more than that comes of it thats a bonus. Please be careful not to overanalyze the situation and try not to feel pressured. there's no hurry and if you look at this whole thing realistically you may find your expecting more of yourself than he is expecting from you. but then again I could be wrong. What I do know is that you are bright, strong and know your heart more than anyone else can.Don't be afraid to discover that truth for yourself, I believe in you and you should trust yourself.... I do :D
I wish we could talk this over at the kitchen table in PJ's over a good cup of coffee. <3 Hopefully Soon.
Love forever -Mom

Sarah said...

I really believe that things happen for a reason. Maybe he's come back into your life because he is going to turn out to be an amazing friend (and just a friend). Or maybe your relationship will develop into something more. Just don't put pressure on yourself to figure that all out right now. Just let it be... and see where the road takes you. Keep praying about it, and listen to your heart no matter what.