Thursday, January 28, 2010

Guest Blogger.

Well, not really but my mom comprised this beautiful piece of work in honor of yours truly. Tears poured from my eyes when I read this. She has an exceptional gift for writing and her writings most always make me cry. This is something that I will treasure for all of time and I thought I'd share it on here. She has a distinct way with words and means wholeheartedly what she writes. This means SO much to me. I honestly can't even convey how much it means to me.

Read if you please. Here is the link to her blog as well. I encourage you to follow her as she has so much inspiration and wisdom to offer through her posts.

Amber Denae

She can't remember that first day I met her... but I will never forget.
When I heard her little voice, I cried.
All the months of dreaming, planning and wondering,
And here she was, tiny, perfect, naked and loud.
Angrily protesting her birth and curiously alert.

Screaming for all she was worth,
then they placed her in my arms and she looked at me
then settled down and sighed a tiny perfect sigh.
She was perfect, beautiful and so alive!
We counted her toes and fingers, marveled at her beauty.
And I fell hopelessly in love and was forever changed.

No one had prepared me for the torrent of emotions
fierce, protective, overwhelming love for this tiny demanding little creature.
who cared only for her own needs of comfort and hunger.
She captured me so completely with one sigh,
I knew I would move heaven and earth for her happiness.
I would give up sleep and life as I had known it.
Her wish was my command and her every move and sound was celebrated.

I was so proud, as if I had created a masterpiece.
I dressed her like a princess and beamed when anyone stopped to look at her.
I spent hours watching her sleep, and lived for holding her.
When she first smiled at me I melted, I hung onto her every coo and interaction.

And she grew, into an independent and brilliant toddler,
inquisitive and imaginative, full of joy and wonder....
We were amazed at her vocabulary and ability to communicate with anyone.
she was precocious and lovable, our home was filled with love and laughter.

Then when I thought I could never love another soul with such passion....
Along came her little sister,
So tiny, perfection in 5 pounds, sweet and silent, so beautiful and lovable.
And my heart was captured once again.
and then we watched her become the perfect big sister.
watching over, loving and playing with the new baby.
Four years later came sister number three and we all were stretched beyond belief
as we fought and prayed for our little angels life, she was born too soon and was so fragile and sickly, it was weeks before we could even hold her, One of our happiest moments was the day we brought her home and only then did we know we were complete with our three beautiful treasures.

That's when she started becoming so independent, "I can do it myself became her battle cry."
She didn't need me as much and sometimes that hurt.....
Soon she was reading on her own and making her own bed without my assistance.
She was so excited to start school, so small but so brave and excited,
and so in love with school supplies. She didn't even cry that first day,
She had been so excited she had barely slept the night before.
When we left the school she didn't cry like the other children.
She wanted us to leave so she could get on with it, learning and reading and making new friends.

She loved school and she thrived and grew, smarter and more confident.
And I suspected she loved having this world that was hers alone without my assistance.
wisdom and intelligence beyond her years always marked her,
This often led to frustrations and power struggles.
She was strong and stubborn and sometimes unmanageable.
But always a joy and a marvel as I wondered what she was becoming.

Then the tumultuous teen years, headstrong, questioning everything
yet in a crazy unexplainable way so obedient and pure in her questioning.
So committed to excellence and perfection it scared me. So responsible, so young.
And sadly so hard on herself with standards so high no one could reach.
Yet she tried and was so disappointed when there was any failure.
I realized then that I could love her perfectly but would never attain her standard.
That was my most painful realization that I had failed this prodigy child, I could not catch up with her she had outgrown me......

The day she turned 15 she already had made her own appointment, determined to drive.
determined to be independent, to grow, soar and leave the nest.
She had a job from the day she was old enough to and resented us trying to help her.
She insisted on paying her own cell phone bill and buying her own gas. Some parents said we were lucky but I felt a little cheated, I wanted to be needed, to keep taking care of my baby.

College and internships and now a real career,
Today she's looking for her first place alone, she's determined to grow up completely
and I'm proud, I really am but I feel sad, lonely and so empty,
I go into her empty room and look at all the pictures of her with her friends, I hold her pillow and I cry...I don't know how to let go of my precious baby girl yet I know it's not my decision it's hers and I remember the day this relationship started and she started warning me then, not to hold on so tightly...


Written By: Darla Collins aka MOM

Thank you, Mom. I love and miss more you every day!

6 comments:

Lindsey said...

Awww! Loved this post! Your mom is such a great writer!

Elizabeth Banta said...

Gosh. I'm not the biggest "crier" in general, but I seriously could not read through this without tears streaming down my face. Your Mom is an amazing writer, the love she has for you just pours from her soul, it's amazing. I've said this b4, but you are SO blessed to have a Mom that cares and loves you this much. SO sweet. I wish I could go hug her! :*(

OceanDreams said...

Oh my goodness that was so beautiful Amber and your mom reminds me a lot of my mom, both are extremely giving and nurturing and not to mention a wonderful best friend! You are certainly blessed and I am as well with my mom. Thanks for sharing her beautiful poem about you!

Crazy Shenanigans said...

Aw! That was THE sweetest post ever.

alyssa said...

whoa, you are blessed! she sounds like an amazing mom!

Shanny said...

oooh this was so beautiful! I actually had read it on her blog already, it touched my heart =)