Thursday, March 4, 2010


*This is something I wrote last year but really pertains to my current state and situation that I figured I would add to it and repost it.*

Don't we all wish to dodge and escape the bruising and bitter obstacles that life constantly throws our way? I've yet to meet anyone who seeks pain or who enjoys pain. Pain causes us to react in ways in which we never thought capable. Pain has the ability of surfacing what it is that is truly inside of us. Despite its unpleasantness and tang, pain is an important part of the existence of humans. Pain is healthy. It inevitably makes us stronger. It assures us that we're alive and it arouses our senses.

Our lives are too difficult, too easy- a paradox of crippling proportions. We're often bombarded with unfortunate circumstances that inflict a deep sense of dissatisfaction and simultaneously crush our spirits. Whether or not it pertains to our personal lives, spirtual lives, financial lives, or family lives etc. As human beings, it is impossible for us to completely avoid grief.

To forsake the painful necessary is to embrace a deadly pleasure. What I mean by that statement is this- Pain and grief are vital for our growth and maturity. If we very well shun that which is causing us to thrive, grow and progress then we will do just the opposite. It is imperative to accept the fact that there will be situations that will cause you great agony but just as important to remember that momentary afflictions do not ultimately have the ability of defeating you. You determine.

Basically, if all you ever had was good, how would you know what was bad? Without the lows, you have no way of knowing and appreciating the highs.

Life is brought forth through immense pain and agony. The perfect example for me to give in this case would obviously be birth. We all know that labor during childbirth is extremely painful and uncomfortable, almost unbearable. (I realize that I have not experienced this first-handedly but we all know it's truth and fact) It's somewhat complex but it's evident that through pain, life is brought forth.

You will find that the way out of the pain is through it.

There is really no easy way out. Quite often, we seek an escape route and in the end it tends to only cause us more grief. In times of great turmoil, it's natural to want out but there is a process that must not be aborted. Time is the essence of what will spring forth from your hour of utter darkness and suffering.

I have to focus on the positives in my life- I am dating the love of my life and he is a rock and treats me better than I deserve to be treated. I have a large, loving, supportive and amazing family who stands by me, counsels me and encourages me. I am blessed with an amazing job with amazing benefits. I have loving friends and though most of them live in other parts of the US, they are always there and are always willing and able to talk. I am blessed. God has blessed me immensely and shown me love and grace like I've never seen before. Now is a time for me to take my focus off of what is trying to kill my spirits and deter it onto the joys and loves of my life.

I'm choosing to accept this pain as a blessing and commit to renewing my heart and mind. This is a conscious effort I have to make due to the fact that I am not the type of person to just brush things off and not let them affect me. I am so easily affected and influenced. My mind can be a prison that so easily cripples my emotions and state. I can't allow myself to sucuumb to this. I simply can't. Whatever the case, it still hurts me so badly and only time and God himself can heal these wounds. I surrender. I can't carry this on my own. It's simply unbearable.

I am simply learning the oh so bitter lessons of life by way of experience and I will come out stronger.

"Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn. My God, do you learn"
-C.S. Lewis

"After we have suffered, the God of all grace will restore, establish and strengthen us. God promises us that our suffering will ultimately be followed by glory." -1 Peter 5:10


Andrea said...

Beautiful Amber! I don't know the details of your trial, but I pray you grow from it and ultimately be blessed. I know you will :)

I can't tell you how often these exact thoughts went through my head when we were trying to get pregnant. In August, after months of trying, life just seemed to get even were ruined by bad weather, the home suddenly needed very expensive repairs and we were at our lowest point emotionally. I didn't think we could endure more but deep down I knew we would be blessed. Three weeks later, we were...a positve pregnancy test and immense joy that was worth every second of pain.

OceanDreams said...

I love how you write sweet heart, it is from your heart and you explain yourself well. I understand your hurt to an extent, I don't know exactly what happened but I too am deeply effected and it hurts my soul when I am wounded. I pray that you are able to heal and as you said learn through this experience. If a friend has hurt you deeply then they don't need to be a part of your life if they continue it. I have learned to weed out the negativity and find love and kindness in the world, even though it is rare.

Crazy Shenanigans said...

I don't know what you're going through but I'm sure you'll come out the other end and be even stronger!