Well this week is certainly off to a rocky start. Not only did yesterday totally and completely suck in every aspect and way possible but today I feel like my whole entire head is going to blow off! I have been sneezing without cease and my brains feel like they will come out of my nose with each blow. My nose is red and severely sore from rubbing and blowing, my eyes are extremely watery causing my makeup to smear and I kind of look like a cross between chinese and rudolph. Not fun my friends, not fun. Every once in a great while the monster of allergies will sneak up on me and it is not a pretty sight. I would think that by now these problems would be decreasing due to the weather changes. Usually spring is the absolute WORST because of all the pollen, but right now it doesn't make much sense for me to be feeling this way.
The germies began attacking my immune system sometime around 10:00 last night keeping me awake throughout the night with a terrible headache and a runny nose that I am still having trouble keeping up with- yuck yuck yuck! My co-workers have made various comments directed toward my enormous amount of sneezing and the pile of tissues I have quickly gone through in my short hour and a half of being at work. Coincidently, upon answering every phone call so far I have the sudden urge to spasmodically and violently let out about 5 sneezes, how embarrassing!! My throat is clogged and I have that funny stopped up sound going on when I talk. Blahhhh. I need some benadryl or something, NOW! =( Perhaps this is the beginning of the first cold of the season? I want my bed, a box of tissues and something to knock me out.
I'm embarrassed to be in public as of now considering the way I look and feel.
Last night we met with the Fire Chief regarding The Red Door and our capacity issues. Fact of the matter- come the end of this year we just might be closing a wonderful comunity outreach center due to people who are picking on us because we don't allow alcohol and drugs there. Either we pay $30,000 for a sprinkler system in the building in case of a fire to enlarge our capacity or we close. Obviously we do NOT have that money. Good Lord, who the heck does right now?! My mom is totally depressed over this. She has put forth so much effort, hard work, love, and diligence into this and once again to have something just snatched out of our hands and completely out of our control rips her heart out all over again.
Two years ago we went through one of the most difficult times as a family-we were black mailed, lied to, sold out, and completely taken advantage of all for "the sake of ministry". Bullcrap. That is not ministry, that is not God and that is not right! My parents poured out their lives into a vision they believed in, supported and were passionate about. Politics came into play and we were done dirty. I'm aware that we all go through hard times and that in the end it is all apart of a bigger plan but never, ever is this type of thing right. It is never right to lie about your intentions, manipulate someone into doing something that you want just to grow your name and ministry and never is it right to control other people's lives through your "ministry". None of that is ministry. It is simply a business to make you more money, give you a bigger name and ruin many lives in the process. So good luck with that, Pastor. You will be held accountable.
God has done a tremendous work in my heart and I have forgiven the "ministry" that enforced so much heartache and almost ruined my family.
My parents stood against the corruption. They refused a position because they refused to lie and be apart of a "ministry" that was causing more harm than good. We left and we left truthfully and we did not keep our mouths shut when we were confronted about our reasoning. I was not about to lie and I think that exposure is extremely necessary especially when innocent lives and hearts are at stake. It broke our hearts and it was a dark and lonely road to travel. Most of the people we thought were with us, turned out to just stab us in the backs as well just to secure their good name and keep their position. It hurt, deeply. I was so proud of my parents for risking everything in order to do what was "right" and I will always honor that decision despite the turmoil and heartache that it caused. I have the utmost admiration for my parents and while they are not perfect, they have always stood their ground and they have our best interests at heart, even at the risk of losing what they have worked so hard for.
I can see my mom dwindling. I can see the spark in her eyes fading as she is worn out and as she feels like this might be the end of the road for Red Door. I'm placing it in the Lord's hands because He truly knows what is best. I just wish I could do something for her because I can't stand to see her disappointed and hurt again.
I just find it bizarre that there are SO many venues around here that are 4 times smaller than us and they always manage to fit 300+ people in their venues for shows and all the while fights break out, drugs and alcohol are permitted and yet, no one ever threatens to shut them down. We are actually doing some good for the community and yet we're under investigation because we've gone over our capacity a few times? I do not get it at all.
Pray for us if you think about it.