I wish man's negative opinions didn't influence me as greatly as they most always do.
I wish I was more motivated to do what I absolutely love to do.
I wish fear didn't strangle and wrap around me the way it consistently does.
I wish I were more open and honest with myself about my dreams and aspirations.
I feel as though I settle too easily. I'm constantly telling myself I could never do this or that and if I try that, I might fall flat on my face and bomb it. In doing so, I believe I have missed out on so much. I don't allow opportunites to present themselves because I shun them. I keep to myself, in my comfort circle and stick to my routine because it is familiar and I like familiar.
I'm tired of this.
It's a vicious cycle. I get a passion and urge to pursue something and bam, I'm right back where I started. Being the over analytical person that I almost always am, I refrain from talking about these things as to not seem too "self-centered" to others. Because for some very odd reason, I have this mindset that if I throw up my insignificant problems or issues on you, that automatically makes me "self-centered". How confusing and ridiculous, right? I know, it makes absolutely no sense. I make no sense.
I have issues, but then again, don't we all?
All of this pales in comparison to what so many others are going through, I know. I can't help but feel so blessed to have a steady income, a roof over my head, a wonderful family, incredible, friends and so many other blessings that would be impossible to list. I have absolutely nothing to complain about, yet I do. Not materialistic things, per se. Material is so temporary. My heart breaks at those who live for "things" and to always have the best of the best.
I'm talking about dreams and goals I have penned within the confines of my journals, hidden within my heart of hearts. Things I haven't even shared with others and dreams that are rooted deep within my spirit. Small and big. Should any come to pass, amazing. If not, fine. At least I dream.
My prayer lately is that I would become more reliant upon the Lord than what anyone says or thinks. He is the one who placed these desires within me in the first place.
What have I got to lose?