She carefully examined her mirrored reflection in the tainted glass. Her small frame and sunken eyes greatly displeased her. Peering for several moments she did not make any attempt to fix what she saw and became a victim of indirect criticism. Words flooding her mind only intensifying the hatred toward what she beheld.
"Ugly, fat, repulsive, unfashionable, pale"- all words that ran through her head repeatedly. The scars on her frail wrists told the most truth and the emptiness deep within her eyes spoke the facts. No glimmer of hope to be found, only pure worthlessness, betrayal, feelings of anxiety and hatred filled her being. Her innocence trespassed and violated leaving her with nothing but absolute fear. Rejected by her world, her family, herself.
"Why go on? Why face it all over again tomorrow? Why hurt, Why cry? Why bleed?"
All silent cries, unseen and uncared for. Lonliness becomes her dearest friend and deception seeps into her core, withdrawing and feeding on every lie that resounds within her mind. She's become a victim of her own, inflicting pain upon herself and punishing herself for who she is not. Her scars display rejection of self, a need to release pressure by obstucting her tender veins. In a sense it's a relief to her. Temporary highs give her an escape, to flee the current pains and dissatisfaction she feels. Her heart senses no love, peace or hope- only fear and distrust.
How many have I crossed paths with? How many have I had the profound opportunity of speaking with? How many have I left "with hope"?
My prayer today is that I would be drawn to these young girls and women whom I know I come in contact with often and that in someway I can offer something that can in fact ease their pain and soften their hearts. How my heart breaks for them. How my heart hurts when I just think about their lives and the constant pain they face within their broken and dysfunctional homes.
I do not know their pain, I do not know their heartache, I can not relate but I have hope and more importantly, love to offer them. I can show them love, I can show them acceptance when the world and even sometimes "christians" shut them out because society calls them "emo" and/or "gothic" and categorizes them as though they're compartmentalized and not possessing a human heart, soul and feelings.
If we would just be the body. If we could be like Jesus and embrace these. God forbid we get our hands a little bit dirty in doing so.
Love. Love. Love.
I've said it so many times. I know there are SO many facets of the word of God that we are to follow and obey, but love is the greatest. Love sent Jesus to die for us, LOVE laid down His own life for us, LOVE conquered death, LOVE rose again, LOVE has a purpose for us. I PROMISE you that when you truly love someone it completely changes everything. It goes from you trying to change them to being their friend and someone they can talk to.
God will give them conviction and bring them to repentance, that is NOT our place, nor our job. For when and if we enforce "conviction" I believe that they get saved out of guilt or condemnation and that will take them no where. It's a divine work of the Holy Spirit in which we cannot interfere. We simply love them, pray for them and speak into their lives.I know I must sound like a broken record, but I just feel so strongly about this whole subject and matter.
Show love. Love is the movement.
Despite my current hardships and circumstances, may my eyes be unveiled to see others in a different light...to show love and hope even when I am hurting. Life is so short and so many things that consume my time and thoughts are not worth it. I want to make a difference and I desire to be a light and encouragement to others. Not in myself but through Jesus in me.
I pray that I do not pass these by. I pray that my heart and hands will always be willing and ready to embrace a broken soul.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Where is that light?
First of all, I want to thank you all for your sweet comments and words of advice/input on my last blog. It's encouraging to know that I can be real on here and share my struggles with others who undoubtedly deal with similar struggles and challenges. I really appreciate all of your words. They mean more than you know.
I'm somewhat groggy today due to a lack of sleep and a mind flooded by many thoughts and concerns. Life really has gotten a bit crazy lately and I am aware that some tough times are ahead of me. I'm okay with it and a serene peace has flooded my soul but it's very easy to allow confusion, doubt and worry to quench this peace that I feel. Last night was a prime example.
Essentially, we have to be out of our house in 5 weeks and as of last night, it looks as though we have nowhere to go (for now at least). Frightening.
The timing is just awful with the holidays right around the corner and if you know our family then you know that this time of year is perhaps overdone a bit in our home. We love to have people over to share meals and celebrate with. We have so many traditions and ways of doing certain things every year. It's hard to believe that any of this is reality, but it is and it will undoubtedly punch me in the stomach in the next couple of weeks as we near closing and begin to store our belongings.
I personally know so many people who are struggling financially and it breaks my heart. We've been thrust in the mix and while money has really never been something we've had a ton of, we've always been "okay". Money is not everything. It really isn't. However, it is imperative to our livelihood. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that something will eventually work out. The not knowing is the hardest part though. I have a pretty secure job, thankfully and I honestly don't even know how long I will be around these parts but seeing my family is such distress over finances pains me to no end. I can do as much as I can to do my part and help but in the end, it doesn't do very much.
Maybe I'm being a little too honest on here as of late but I feel as though this is my outlet and believe it or not, your similar situations and encouraging words bring me so much relief and hope.
Faith and trust. Two small words that have taken on an even more significant meaning lately. God is so much bigger than all of this. I am so thankful that I can trust Him in the midst of this storm and though I am blind to what is before me, He knows the outcome and He is FOR US, not against us.
I know that we will look back upon this as a test of faith and a time where we learned the importance of trusting HIS will above ours.
But where is that light at the end of the tunnel? Close, I hope.
This scripture comes to mind...
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first His kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." -Matthew 6:25-34
And last but not least a line from a song that has been resounding within my spirit since these series of unfortunate events have unraveled.
"One thing I know that I have found
Through all the troubles that surround
You are the Rock that never fails, You never fail"
From the song Everlasting God by New Life Worship
Beautiful and oh so true.
Love, Amber
I'm somewhat groggy today due to a lack of sleep and a mind flooded by many thoughts and concerns. Life really has gotten a bit crazy lately and I am aware that some tough times are ahead of me. I'm okay with it and a serene peace has flooded my soul but it's very easy to allow confusion, doubt and worry to quench this peace that I feel. Last night was a prime example.
Essentially, we have to be out of our house in 5 weeks and as of last night, it looks as though we have nowhere to go (for now at least). Frightening.
The timing is just awful with the holidays right around the corner and if you know our family then you know that this time of year is perhaps overdone a bit in our home. We love to have people over to share meals and celebrate with. We have so many traditions and ways of doing certain things every year. It's hard to believe that any of this is reality, but it is and it will undoubtedly punch me in the stomach in the next couple of weeks as we near closing and begin to store our belongings.
I personally know so many people who are struggling financially and it breaks my heart. We've been thrust in the mix and while money has really never been something we've had a ton of, we've always been "okay". Money is not everything. It really isn't. However, it is imperative to our livelihood. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that something will eventually work out. The not knowing is the hardest part though. I have a pretty secure job, thankfully and I honestly don't even know how long I will be around these parts but seeing my family is such distress over finances pains me to no end. I can do as much as I can to do my part and help but in the end, it doesn't do very much.
Maybe I'm being a little too honest on here as of late but I feel as though this is my outlet and believe it or not, your similar situations and encouraging words bring me so much relief and hope.
Faith and trust. Two small words that have taken on an even more significant meaning lately. God is so much bigger than all of this. I am so thankful that I can trust Him in the midst of this storm and though I am blind to what is before me, He knows the outcome and He is FOR US, not against us.
I know that we will look back upon this as a test of faith and a time where we learned the importance of trusting HIS will above ours.
But where is that light at the end of the tunnel? Close, I hope.
This scripture comes to mind...
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first His kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." -Matthew 6:25-34
And last but not least a line from a song that has been resounding within my spirit since these series of unfortunate events have unraveled.
"One thing I know that I have found
Through all the troubles that surround
You are the Rock that never fails, You never fail"
From the song Everlasting God by New Life Worship
Beautiful and oh so true.
Love, Amber
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Being honest here...
I have a problem. It's one that I cannot seem to overcome either. No matter how hard I try.
I compare myself with almost everyone to the point that I overanalyze and scrutinize myself to pieces until my confidence is completely stripped.
Why do we do this to ourselves?
It's so frustrating because while I know that God made me the way that I am, I can't seem to control these consuming thoughts and constant comparisons to others. And yes, I'm going to be totally transparent and honest here- it mostly has to do with looks. I hate admitting that but I'm told that admittance is one step closer to improvement.
There are SO many other things worth my thoughts and worries other than my hair, body, weight, height etc. It frustrates me to no end that I consistently let these petty things consume any of my time, to be honest with you.
I'll never be taller, I can't change my features (plastic surgery is NEVER an option), I'll never look like "that perfect" girl. I can change the way I eat and excercise more to maintain a heathly and toned body and I can't change my hair other than cutting/dying it. I would really like to feel comfortable in my own skin. I'm so tired of this. It really is taxing and so unneccessary and ridiculous. I loathe these thoughts and feelings.
How do you ladies deal with it? I know I'm not alone in this. I know we all struggle with these things (though we all very well should NOT).
I don't ever really like to make posts like this as to not seem as though I need pity or uplifting and encouraging words but I just wanted to be honest and see how some of you overcome these feelings and thoughts that seem to invade EVERY female's mind.
You are all beautiful, by the way and I really mean that.
"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." -Proverbs 31:30
I need to dwell upon that verse a lot more. It is so true.
Beauty is fleeting but so very desirable at the same time.
Oh my. Thanks for listening to my rant there, friends. xo
I compare myself with almost everyone to the point that I overanalyze and scrutinize myself to pieces until my confidence is completely stripped.
Why do we do this to ourselves?
It's so frustrating because while I know that God made me the way that I am, I can't seem to control these consuming thoughts and constant comparisons to others. And yes, I'm going to be totally transparent and honest here- it mostly has to do with looks. I hate admitting that but I'm told that admittance is one step closer to improvement.
There are SO many other things worth my thoughts and worries other than my hair, body, weight, height etc. It frustrates me to no end that I consistently let these petty things consume any of my time, to be honest with you.
I'll never be taller, I can't change my features (plastic surgery is NEVER an option), I'll never look like "that perfect" girl. I can change the way I eat and excercise more to maintain a heathly and toned body and I can't change my hair other than cutting/dying it. I would really like to feel comfortable in my own skin. I'm so tired of this. It really is taxing and so unneccessary and ridiculous. I loathe these thoughts and feelings.
How do you ladies deal with it? I know I'm not alone in this. I know we all struggle with these things (though we all very well should NOT).
I don't ever really like to make posts like this as to not seem as though I need pity or uplifting and encouraging words but I just wanted to be honest and see how some of you overcome these feelings and thoughts that seem to invade EVERY female's mind.
You are all beautiful, by the way and I really mean that.
"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." -Proverbs 31:30
I need to dwell upon that verse a lot more. It is so true.
Beauty is fleeting but so very desirable at the same time.
Oh my. Thanks for listening to my rant there, friends. xo
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Charlotte in Pictures.
As I mentioned in my previous post, our weekend road trip to Charlotte, NC was incredible. Though it was short, we fit in so much fun and had an absolutely amazing and refreshing time. I didn't wanna leave.
Kayla, Myself, Emily and Beth all ready to go!
My sweet friend, Beth and I.
Precious Alysa and Beth. I have so much love in my heart for these two.
All of us girls eating at IKEA! It was my first time ever to go to an IKEA and I LOVED it. So amazing and completely overwhelming. The food there was also great and you can literally get a delicious piece of pizza and a drink for $2.50! Can't get much better.
Love them all so much!
IKEA!
All of us piled on Alysa's bed talking and laughing as we did every night. So cozy and fun!
Emily, Myself, Ash and Joe snuggling. :)
I wuv my wittle emmy!
Myself, Alysa and Dillion (a new friend!)
Beth and I at Amelie's, an AMAZING french bakery in Charlotte. It's seriously one of the coolest places I've ever been from the food, to the decor and atmosphere...so wonderful! They have a delicious selection of beautiful french pastries and tarts (which is what we would be holding).
My tarts=delicious.
Candid Shot. LOVE the all the hanging lamps!
So there you have it! I can't wait to go back.
Hope you're all having an amazing weekend!!
Kayla, Myself, Emily and Beth all ready to go!
My sweet friend, Beth and I.
Precious Alysa and Beth. I have so much love in my heart for these two.
All of us girls eating at IKEA! It was my first time ever to go to an IKEA and I LOVED it. So amazing and completely overwhelming. The food there was also great and you can literally get a delicious piece of pizza and a drink for $2.50! Can't get much better.
Love them all so much!
IKEA!
All of us piled on Alysa's bed talking and laughing as we did every night. So cozy and fun!
Emily, Myself, Ash and Joe snuggling. :)
I wuv my wittle emmy!
Myself, Alysa and Dillion (a new friend!)
Beth and I at Amelie's, an AMAZING french bakery in Charlotte. It's seriously one of the coolest places I've ever been from the food, to the decor and atmosphere...so wonderful! They have a delicious selection of beautiful french pastries and tarts (which is what we would be holding).
My tarts=delicious.
Candid Shot. LOVE the all the hanging lamps!
So there you have it! I can't wait to go back.
Hope you're all having an amazing weekend!!
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Changing...
My trip to Charlotte, NC simply could not have been better. From the moment we arrived until the moment we departed we were showered with love and acceptance and my heart was flooded moreso with love for the Volk family whom I've known for many, many years. I met more amazing people and it was so refreshing to be in a corporate worship service with a community of believers with the same heart and goal. I was so overwhelmed.
My heart swelled with emotion and love and I longed to be apart of what God is doing there. By the end of the trip (which was only a mere two days) I found myself saying "I want to move here". It was the strangest of sorts considering how "attached" I am to Pensacola and my home here per se but I was sweetly reminded this weekend that being apart of something that is purposeful and eternally minded is of utmost importance.
I've learned to just exist. I'm so tired of it.
I'm so dissatisfied with the mundane and complacent lifestyle I've been leading. It's as if a blind has been lifted from my eyes revealing to me what I have been missing all this time and it bothers me that it's come to this point. I'm not doing what I am called to do. I'm not living as though I should. I know better.
I had a dream the other night that really disturbed me and interrupted my peaceful sleep. I awoke with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and began to cry and pray for all of those involved in the dream. I don't know what God is doing or speaking but it must meant something. It was simply too intense and vivid for it to not.
Last night I spent an extended amount of time skimming my old journals and I really started missing myself. I was so in tune with God's voice and so hungry for more of Him in my life. Love seeped from my heart and poured from my being at that time in my life. I was truly a different person. I don't know what happened. How did I get here?
It's quite scary how easy it to become desensitized and comfortable with things that used to offend you. I don't want to be known as judgemental by any means but I do want to be known as one who lives in a godly manner, upright and pure- fleeing the temptations and desires of this world. This world is so destructive and I want nothing of it. My heart feels like its breaking and in a weird sense, it's SO relieving. I am so glad I feel like this and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt it is God drawing me back to Him.
He never lets us wander off too far...
I'm not sure what is next and I have no idea what to even expect but I do know that I am at a point of sweet surrender, for I can do nothing else. My efforts pale in comparison to His faithfulness.
This is something I wrote nearly 3 years ago when my family was facing a trial of sorts. It spoke volumes to me last night, 3 years later...
Longing for answers that lie in unawaited territories of my mind. Hoping and praying for the moment when my eyes are truly opened to see all that is in front of me, clearly and vividly.
Limitations seem to be a weakness and expectations, an even greater one. When will I come to the complete realization that He really is in control. I seem to say and believe it so nonchalantly but do I truly believe and trust with my entire heart?
I so desire to come to the place that has been so long awaited.
The eagerness that I contain overrules my fear. Although the path before me is unclear and hazy, I am stepping out in faith and a totally surrendered will.
When you have come to edge of all light that you know and are familiar with and you are about to drop off into the abyss of darkness and the unknown, faith is knowing one of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand upon or you will be taught to fly.
______________________________
Here are lyrics to a song I simply cannot stop listening to lately.
"More Than Ashes"
by Tim Reimherr
I’m more than what these ashes say
They will fade away when He comes for me
By grace, through faith in Christ I’m saved
I am not the same when He looks at me
I am the rose, the joy for which You died
And this I know, I move You with delight
And when my heart condemns on every side
I take refuge in the truth: I am the rose to You
My life is more than meets the eye
I’m hidden now in Christ and I’m one with Him
My love is real before His eyes
He’s ravished by the sight of one glance from me
I am the rose, I am the lily
I am Yours, I’m Your beauty
I’m more than what these ashes say
‘Cause they will fade away when He comes for me
My love is real before His eyes
He’s ravished by the sight of one glance from me
______________________________
Much love.
Amber
My heart swelled with emotion and love and I longed to be apart of what God is doing there. By the end of the trip (which was only a mere two days) I found myself saying "I want to move here". It was the strangest of sorts considering how "attached" I am to Pensacola and my home here per se but I was sweetly reminded this weekend that being apart of something that is purposeful and eternally minded is of utmost importance.
I've learned to just exist. I'm so tired of it.
I'm so dissatisfied with the mundane and complacent lifestyle I've been leading. It's as if a blind has been lifted from my eyes revealing to me what I have been missing all this time and it bothers me that it's come to this point. I'm not doing what I am called to do. I'm not living as though I should. I know better.
I had a dream the other night that really disturbed me and interrupted my peaceful sleep. I awoke with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and began to cry and pray for all of those involved in the dream. I don't know what God is doing or speaking but it must meant something. It was simply too intense and vivid for it to not.
Last night I spent an extended amount of time skimming my old journals and I really started missing myself. I was so in tune with God's voice and so hungry for more of Him in my life. Love seeped from my heart and poured from my being at that time in my life. I was truly a different person. I don't know what happened. How did I get here?
It's quite scary how easy it to become desensitized and comfortable with things that used to offend you. I don't want to be known as judgemental by any means but I do want to be known as one who lives in a godly manner, upright and pure- fleeing the temptations and desires of this world. This world is so destructive and I want nothing of it. My heart feels like its breaking and in a weird sense, it's SO relieving. I am so glad I feel like this and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt it is God drawing me back to Him.
He never lets us wander off too far...
I'm not sure what is next and I have no idea what to even expect but I do know that I am at a point of sweet surrender, for I can do nothing else. My efforts pale in comparison to His faithfulness.
This is something I wrote nearly 3 years ago when my family was facing a trial of sorts. It spoke volumes to me last night, 3 years later...
Longing for answers that lie in unawaited territories of my mind. Hoping and praying for the moment when my eyes are truly opened to see all that is in front of me, clearly and vividly.
Limitations seem to be a weakness and expectations, an even greater one. When will I come to the complete realization that He really is in control. I seem to say and believe it so nonchalantly but do I truly believe and trust with my entire heart?
I so desire to come to the place that has been so long awaited.
The eagerness that I contain overrules my fear. Although the path before me is unclear and hazy, I am stepping out in faith and a totally surrendered will.
When you have come to edge of all light that you know and are familiar with and you are about to drop off into the abyss of darkness and the unknown, faith is knowing one of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand upon or you will be taught to fly.
______________________________
Here are lyrics to a song I simply cannot stop listening to lately.
"More Than Ashes"
by Tim Reimherr
I’m more than what these ashes say
They will fade away when He comes for me
By grace, through faith in Christ I’m saved
I am not the same when He looks at me
I am the rose, the joy for which You died
And this I know, I move You with delight
And when my heart condemns on every side
I take refuge in the truth: I am the rose to You
My life is more than meets the eye
I’m hidden now in Christ and I’m one with Him
My love is real before His eyes
He’s ravished by the sight of one glance from me
I am the rose, I am the lily
I am Yours, I’m Your beauty
I’m more than what these ashes say
‘Cause they will fade away when He comes for me
My love is real before His eyes
He’s ravished by the sight of one glance from me
______________________________
Much love.
Amber
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Just some stuff.
Good morning sunshines.
I'm going to keep this short and sweet due to my being at work. I should be doing work. There is always much to do, catch up on and begin. I mustn't waste all of my time blogging as I am not paid to do so but it is oh so tempting!
I hope you all had a wonderful weekend. Mine was fabulous. It basically consisted of staying in my pajamas all day and watching movies with my sisters and one of my best friends. It was glorious. It nearly rained the entire weekend so it made for great shut in's with movies and junk food. Can't get much better.
I am leaving for Charlotte, NC in 3 days with my sisters and dear friend, Beth. We're going to visit some of our wonderful friends, the Volks. They came and stayed with us this summer. We had SO much fun. They're without a doubt one of the best families I know. I can't wait to spend time with them!
As soon as I get off work on Friday, we will head that way. I'm so thankful for Labor day permitting me to take this short road trip!
Can you believe it's September 1st?! This year has flown. It's insane. I don't like how fast this time is going as my family will be leaving soon but I am excited about fall and everything it brings. Summer has been great but this heat and humidity has gotten the best of me. I'm ready for a fresh change and breezier weather.
I hope you all have a fabulous day!
I'm going to keep this short and sweet due to my being at work. I should be doing work. There is always much to do, catch up on and begin. I mustn't waste all of my time blogging as I am not paid to do so but it is oh so tempting!
I hope you all had a wonderful weekend. Mine was fabulous. It basically consisted of staying in my pajamas all day and watching movies with my sisters and one of my best friends. It was glorious. It nearly rained the entire weekend so it made for great shut in's with movies and junk food. Can't get much better.
I am leaving for Charlotte, NC in 3 days with my sisters and dear friend, Beth. We're going to visit some of our wonderful friends, the Volks. They came and stayed with us this summer. We had SO much fun. They're without a doubt one of the best families I know. I can't wait to spend time with them!
As soon as I get off work on Friday, we will head that way. I'm so thankful for Labor day permitting me to take this short road trip!
Can you believe it's September 1st?! This year has flown. It's insane. I don't like how fast this time is going as my family will be leaving soon but I am excited about fall and everything it brings. Summer has been great but this heat and humidity has gotten the best of me. I'm ready for a fresh change and breezier weather.
I hope you all have a fabulous day!
Friday, August 28, 2009
New Blog!
I decided to go through and start my very own photography blog! I'm becoming more and more intrigued by this hobby and I really wish to improve and excel. I figured I could make the small step to begin a blog. Though it may be somewhat amateur, it's a beginning.
So, I hope that you will be so kind to follow!
amberdenae photography
Bear with me as I am in the midst of fancifying the layout and such. :)
Thank you sweet friends!
-Amber Denae
So, I hope that you will be so kind to follow!
amberdenae photography
Bear with me as I am in the midst of fancifying the layout and such. :)
Thank you sweet friends!
-Amber Denae
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
The end of this chapter.
It's official. My family will be making their way nearly 200 miles away from me to live in the next two months. Our dear house sold and my heart has been in pieces ever since I received the news. I can cry at the drop of a hat. It's ridiculous.
I know what you may be thinking- "200 miles away is hardly anything". Yes, this is true and many weekend trips will be made as the drive is only a mere 3 hours but my heart remains sad and heavy because I've always lived at home. I'm very close with my family. We have our differences and our disagreements but at the end of the day I am content in knowing that I have a safe place to come home to at night where hot dinners are always ready and a mom, dad and two sisters are always available to talk to and spend time with. My heart remains undoubtedly heavy at the thought of all of this becoming reality soon. Ouch.
I am the epitome of a "homebody". I rarely spend nights away from home and I have odd routines and quirks in relation to my house and family that are going to be hard to break. I only work 3 miles away from my house so I go home basically EVERY day for lunch and eat with my mom. I love that. I love that I can leave my house at 8:25 and get to work on time. I love our home and everything it represents and reminds me of. My mom is probably the most hospitable person you would EVER meet. Anyone and everyone is always welcome to our house at pretty much anytime and not only that, but she cooks for everyone as well. Everyone loves coming to our house. It's always open and filled with good smells, laughing and lots of love.
So many happy, sad, challenging, hurtful, joyful and harsh memories have been made within these walls. I've lived in this house longer than any before. We bought it when I was 13 and completely remodeled the inside to reflect "us". I remember the excitement and anticipation of having our own bedrooms and being able to paint them whatever color we wanted. We had so much fun and an army of students from the Bible College where my Dad taught at the time came and helped us. There were many sleepless nights and lots of memories were made. My teenage years were spent here. My fondest memories were made right here.
Ah, this is going to be much harder than I thought. I know that living on my own will permit me to doing some more growing and I need to. It will be good for me but oh so lonely. As much as my family has the ability of driving me absolutely insane, they are also my rock and safe haven. I know that no matter what, I can always always count on them to be there and i always have three girls to get advice from and watch movies with. Gahhhhh, i hate even writing about this.
I guess it wouldn't be as hard if it were me moving away from home and always being able to come back but I feel like home is leaving me and that is the worst feeling ever! =(
Oh life, you do have a way of making me crazy at times.
This will be interesting. Time to grow up some more. Growing hurts.
My mom wrote a beautiful tribute and depiction of what we are all feeling right now. Read if you may... http://1momsperspective.blogspot.com/2009/08/this-old-house.html
I know what you may be thinking- "200 miles away is hardly anything". Yes, this is true and many weekend trips will be made as the drive is only a mere 3 hours but my heart remains sad and heavy because I've always lived at home. I'm very close with my family. We have our differences and our disagreements but at the end of the day I am content in knowing that I have a safe place to come home to at night where hot dinners are always ready and a mom, dad and two sisters are always available to talk to and spend time with. My heart remains undoubtedly heavy at the thought of all of this becoming reality soon. Ouch.
I am the epitome of a "homebody". I rarely spend nights away from home and I have odd routines and quirks in relation to my house and family that are going to be hard to break. I only work 3 miles away from my house so I go home basically EVERY day for lunch and eat with my mom. I love that. I love that I can leave my house at 8:25 and get to work on time. I love our home and everything it represents and reminds me of. My mom is probably the most hospitable person you would EVER meet. Anyone and everyone is always welcome to our house at pretty much anytime and not only that, but she cooks for everyone as well. Everyone loves coming to our house. It's always open and filled with good smells, laughing and lots of love.
So many happy, sad, challenging, hurtful, joyful and harsh memories have been made within these walls. I've lived in this house longer than any before. We bought it when I was 13 and completely remodeled the inside to reflect "us". I remember the excitement and anticipation of having our own bedrooms and being able to paint them whatever color we wanted. We had so much fun and an army of students from the Bible College where my Dad taught at the time came and helped us. There were many sleepless nights and lots of memories were made. My teenage years were spent here. My fondest memories were made right here.
Ah, this is going to be much harder than I thought. I know that living on my own will permit me to doing some more growing and I need to. It will be good for me but oh so lonely. As much as my family has the ability of driving me absolutely insane, they are also my rock and safe haven. I know that no matter what, I can always always count on them to be there and i always have three girls to get advice from and watch movies with. Gahhhhh, i hate even writing about this.
I guess it wouldn't be as hard if it were me moving away from home and always being able to come back but I feel like home is leaving me and that is the worst feeling ever! =(
Oh life, you do have a way of making me crazy at times.
This will be interesting. Time to grow up some more. Growing hurts.
My mom wrote a beautiful tribute and depiction of what we are all feeling right now. Read if you may... http://1momsperspective.blogspot.com/2009/08/this-old-house.html
Monday, August 24, 2009
Oh so long overdue.
It's insane that it has taken me this long to post these pictures. Insane.
Shotgun wedding ;) No, it really wasn't a shotgun wedding. I love this picture though. The groom and my U
ncle.
Hope you enjoyed! I'm seriously getting back on this blogging thing. SO many things have happened since I have and I need to document. Hope you all are doing well!
Shotgun wedding ;) No, it really wasn't a shotgun wedding. I love this picture though. The groom and my U
ncle.
Hope you enjoyed! I'm seriously getting back on this blogging thing. SO many things have happened since I have and I need to document. Hope you all are doing well!
Monday, August 17, 2009
Sheesh.
Go ahead. Give me the "Worst Blogger of the Year" award. I know good and well that I deserve it.
I really do have good intentions, really. I want to put the wedding pictures up for all of you to see but it takes a lot of time and that, I do not possess enough of lately.
Life has been insanely crazy in every aspect. If it's not one thing, it's another. When it rains, it pours.
I've fallen off only to get back on again, in time.
Pray for my family. We need it immensely.
I really do have good intentions, really. I want to put the wedding pictures up for all of you to see but it takes a lot of time and that, I do not possess enough of lately.
Life has been insanely crazy in every aspect. If it's not one thing, it's another. When it rains, it pours.
I've fallen off only to get back on again, in time.
Pray for my family. We need it immensely.
Friday, August 7, 2009
I'm back!
And yes indeed, i did take a gazillion pictures. There is absolutely noway I will be able to post them all for your viewing but I will post a few.
We arrived last Thursday evening and from then on, it was a whirlwind! We began setting up for the reception that night and then spent a lot of time eating, laughing and talking with all of the family. It was SO much fun! We all stayed at my aunt and uncle's house and it was just amazing to all be together every night. I loved it so much.
Friday morning we awoke fairly early and headed to the church to begin cooking the rehearsal dinner. My mom was the head chef (undoubtedly) and we had a lot of fun cooking all together. Some definite memories were made.
Friday afternoon we got ready and headed to the Chapel for rehearsal!
Here are a few pictures of the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner...
My amazing and beautiful cousin, Tamera and I. Everyone says we look alike. I like to think so. :)
Abbi and Nevaeh- Sonya's nieces, my second cousins and the flowergirls. Such sweetness.
Daniel aka the cutest little boy EVER. I could literally take pictures of him all day. He LOVES the camera and as you can tell, it loves him as well. He was the ring bearer.
My cousin, Sarah and my sister, Ashton and I
All the bridesmaids. L-R- Alycia (Jr. Bridesmaid, Sonya's little sister), Hannah, Ashton, Me, Esme' and Tamera
Uncle Jerry and Sonya
My dad officiated. :)
Mother and Daughter. How gorgeous are they? Geez.
Aunt Tammy and her grandbabies.
Hannah, Ash and I. Sisters.
The "almost" newlyweds.
She's like our sister.
Sisters/Cousins. L-R- Me, Tamera, Sonya, Sarah, Hannah and Ashton
"Make a funny face."
Okay, that's all the uploading I can do for now. It literally takes me forever to upload pictures on this thing and I end up getting frustrated toward the end. Haha. There are tons more pictures and I will post wedding pictures soon!
I've been home for almost a week now and am still going through withdrawls from being with everyone. I love my family so much and I really wish we all lived closer to each other. :( And to top it off, the day after we returned home, my immediate family went to Tallahassee for a week. Imagine my distress being so sentimental and sad about missing everyone and coming home to a completely empty house every night. Depressing. I don't know how I'm going to handle them moving away from me. Let's not even go there...
Well, there you have it. Sorry it took so long. I've been pretty busy and when I'm not, I've been sleeping.
Hope you're all doing well! I'm off to catch up on your lives and posts.
Much love.
We arrived last Thursday evening and from then on, it was a whirlwind! We began setting up for the reception that night and then spent a lot of time eating, laughing and talking with all of the family. It was SO much fun! We all stayed at my aunt and uncle's house and it was just amazing to all be together every night. I loved it so much.
Friday morning we awoke fairly early and headed to the church to begin cooking the rehearsal dinner. My mom was the head chef (undoubtedly) and we had a lot of fun cooking all together. Some definite memories were made.
Friday afternoon we got ready and headed to the Chapel for rehearsal!
Here are a few pictures of the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner...
My amazing and beautiful cousin, Tamera and I. Everyone says we look alike. I like to think so. :)
Abbi and Nevaeh- Sonya's nieces, my second cousins and the flowergirls. Such sweetness.
Daniel aka the cutest little boy EVER. I could literally take pictures of him all day. He LOVES the camera and as you can tell, it loves him as well. He was the ring bearer.
My cousin, Sarah and my sister, Ashton and I
All the bridesmaids. L-R- Alycia (Jr. Bridesmaid, Sonya's little sister), Hannah, Ashton, Me, Esme' and Tamera
Uncle Jerry and Sonya
My dad officiated. :)
Mother and Daughter. How gorgeous are they? Geez.
Aunt Tammy and her grandbabies.
Hannah, Ash and I. Sisters.
The "almost" newlyweds.
She's like our sister.
Sisters/Cousins. L-R- Me, Tamera, Sonya, Sarah, Hannah and Ashton
"Make a funny face."
Okay, that's all the uploading I can do for now. It literally takes me forever to upload pictures on this thing and I end up getting frustrated toward the end. Haha. There are tons more pictures and I will post wedding pictures soon!
I've been home for almost a week now and am still going through withdrawls from being with everyone. I love my family so much and I really wish we all lived closer to each other. :( And to top it off, the day after we returned home, my immediate family went to Tallahassee for a week. Imagine my distress being so sentimental and sad about missing everyone and coming home to a completely empty house every night. Depressing. I don't know how I'm going to handle them moving away from me. Let's not even go there...
Well, there you have it. Sorry it took so long. I've been pretty busy and when I'm not, I've been sleeping.
Hope you're all doing well! I'm off to catch up on your lives and posts.
Much love.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
She's getting married in 3 days?!...eeeek!
Tomorrow at approximately 4:00 am, I will be northbound to the beautiful mountain state of West Virginia. Except only this time, I'll be traveling by car. Yes, 17 hours in a car with my family. This should be interesting. I am looking forward to it, honestly. It's SO hard for me to believe that my beautiful cousin (who's more like a sister), Sonya is getting married this Saturday. Very surreal. I am so unbelievably happy for her and her fiance, Thomas. They are both truly amazing and perfect together. I love them both, oh so much! Both of my sisters and I are bridesmaids. :)
Lots to do before I get going. Packing, running errands, getting gifts together, cleaning, and just preparing myself for that awful long drive and a big fun weekend! I'm also in charge of organizing the playlist for the reception which is a very important task, if you ask me! Being the music lover that I am, I am having lots of fun with it! She couldn't have given me a better job, in my opinion.
I am getting really excited and emotional. I also haven't seen my sister in almost a month either as she flew up a little early to help my cousin with wedding stuff. It will be good for all of us girls to be together.
Today is my last day of work until next tuesday. That in itself is so great to me. I am so thankful that I have a wonderful job and a gracious boss. I'm very blessed.
I assure you that I shall come back bearing lots and lots of pictures that I will undoubtedly share with you on here. Until then, I'll leave you with some pictures of Sonya and I, as well as a few of their engagement pictures that I had the privilege of taking while I was up there this past May.
_________________________________________
She is bound to make a most gorgeous bride, am I right? I can't wait to be apart of their special day! I probably won't post until I get back seeng as things are going to be CRAZY! Have a wonderful week and weekend, sweet friends.
-Amber
Lots to do before I get going. Packing, running errands, getting gifts together, cleaning, and just preparing myself for that awful long drive and a big fun weekend! I'm also in charge of organizing the playlist for the reception which is a very important task, if you ask me! Being the music lover that I am, I am having lots of fun with it! She couldn't have given me a better job, in my opinion.
I am getting really excited and emotional. I also haven't seen my sister in almost a month either as she flew up a little early to help my cousin with wedding stuff. It will be good for all of us girls to be together.
Today is my last day of work until next tuesday. That in itself is so great to me. I am so thankful that I have a wonderful job and a gracious boss. I'm very blessed.
I assure you that I shall come back bearing lots and lots of pictures that I will undoubtedly share with you on here. Until then, I'll leave you with some pictures of Sonya and I, as well as a few of their engagement pictures that I had the privilege of taking while I was up there this past May.
_________________________________________
She is bound to make a most gorgeous bride, am I right? I can't wait to be apart of their special day! I probably won't post until I get back seeng as things are going to be CRAZY! Have a wonderful week and weekend, sweet friends.
-Amber
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