Friday, June 20, 2008

Friday, coffee, thoughts, passions...all in one :)

Finally Friday! The day I look forward to most during the week! It seems to never get here fast enough and then those anticipated weekends just fly by and before you know it, it's Monday again.

So, I broke my commitment to the whole "no more coffee" thing. I simply could not resist it anymore. The aroma lures me in the mornings, awakens my senses and i simply cannot oppose the ever so wonderful taste of hazelnut. However, I have been drinking more water than usual which is always good! It's so much more refreshing than anything else to me, well besides really sweet tea :) Okay, I'm going off way too much on beverages. I will refrain for your sake and my own. You'd think I'd have nothing to write about.

Lately I've had this ever growing desire inside of me to start singing and playing piano again. I know for many years I suppressed this passion I had for music and worship and then God began to give me confidence in Him and opened doors for me to do so. I've found that the sweetest place to worship, sing and write is within the confines of my bedroom where I am alone, not performing and not trying to impress anyone with my gifts and talents. It's so wonderful to just be alone in worship sometimes. However, I have not been as faithful as I wish and that breaks my heart. I know this is what I was created for and that this longing inside of me to know Him more is ever intensifying yet never satisfied because I don't go to Him enough. How sweet it is when i do though. I don't know why it's so easy to get caught up in the here and now that I neglect spending time with Him. My hearts desire is to be closer. I love to play music and sing but my passion and hearts desire is to worship. I have written quite a few songs lately. I do not know if I will ever play them or if they will remain secure within the boundaries of my heart and in my rugged little notebook. Perhaps they were just meant to be between me and God or maybe one day I will have the incredible opporunity of recording them. I do not wish to be noticed for my talents, I wish to be noticed by my heart, a heart that is pure above all things. In my humanness it's easy to become prideful and take delight more in compliments or accolades than in the Lord, the one who gave and inspired this passion.

I have a long way to go, the road on this journey is ever winding and ever changing. When I think I finally have it all figured out, I'm harshly proven wrong and it simply brings me back to my knees and away from "self". The world is constantly trying to grip and lure me and when I'm all caught up in "self" it's easy to become distracted and give in to what may seem to be harmless. I've learned that it's a slippery slope and going back up is a lot more difficult than going down.

I'm thankful for His grace, mercy and His way of bringing me back to Him in every circumstance and situation even when it's somewhat unpleasant. He never lets me wander too far off. =)

I hope you have a beautiful day! =)

Love, Me

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