Friday, August 29, 2008

Ramblings of a bored girl at work about relationships...

Okay, I am in no way, shape or form writing this to gain pity for myself. Although a little pity isn’t always SO bad, right? ;)

I’m beginning to wonder. Why is it that I am still single and have not been asked out except by people who are either much younger than me, totally not my “type” (I know that sounds so cliché, but I refuse to date someone who does not share my beliefs, heart and dreams) or by people on myspace! I am not sulking, really I’m not. I just wonder- is something wrong? Maybe I’m not in the proper environment to find someone. I don’t know. I am not in a rush (or am I?). I know I have my whole life ahead of me and yadda yadda. I know that God has chosen my soul mate and He will cross our paths in time. I am well aware of this but I can't ignore what I'm feeling.

It seems like EVERYONE around me is in a relationship. Both of my sisters (who are younger) are in relationships, my best friend, my friends, cousins, and well just everyone. I feel like I am the only one who is single. I don’t mind being single, I really don’t. I have only ever been in one relationship in my entire life. I’ve never dated around or played those games, but I can’t help but think- okay I’m approaching 22 and there is not even one prospect, not even one! Haha. Oh dear Lord. I always said, “I’ll be married or at least engaged by 20!” Here I am 21 and not even close. Haha, I have to laugh at myself. I still feel 16 in some aspects and then in others I feel like I'm 25! The sequence of events that my life has taken have been quite crazy and if I were to go in detail about the last 3 years of my life, you probably wouldn't believe me so I'll refrain.

I’m not desperate to get married or anything like that. I love my life, I really do but I’m not gonna lie, I would not be opposed to meeting someone. Lately, I have had this ever increasing desire to find that someone and pursue something with Him. I pray for my husband, I dream about falling in love and being a wife and mother.

I remember conversations growing up where everyone would talk about their dreams and aspirations and while I would share mine, my desire to be a good wife and mom dominated all of them. I was the type of little girl who played house every chance I got. I was the type of preteen who wanted to start a babysitters club and loved to be around babies and attempt to display my amazing caretaking abilities. I was the type of teenager who babysat almost every weekend and loved it.

Now, if and when I do get married I’m not sure I would not want to have children right away although my mom would be a happy camper. She already talks about me having kids and I'm not even in a relationship, nowhere close to being in one!

Ah, I suppose it doesn't hurt to dream. I know when it happens, it will be divine. I'm a little impatient, I know. Again, I'm not desperate- maybe just a little eager :)


mrs.leah.maria said...

I encourage you to keep praying, but couple that with the advice that you may have to do more than have faith that your paths will cross. God might require you to do something out of your comfort level, and I say that with a might!

Hearing your acknowledgment of where you are in comparison to where you thought you would be sounds very similar to my brother. One of the sweetest things he's ever told me is that he wants a relationship like Tony and I have. But sometimes I think he's looked at the story all wrong, like he just expects God to place the perfect woman in his life at the exact time he is open to her. I'm not sure if you've ever read the "about me" section on my blog, but Tony and I met online. It was definitely through divine intervention, and it may seem like a cop out, but it still took forward motion by both Tony and I.

Hmm, I'm sounding like I'm encouraging to give online dating a try, but that's not my point lol! Just don't give up faith, but don't necessarily rely on God doing all of the heavy lifting for you. He may have you do things that are difficult for you, but it'll be worth it.

Andrea said...

When it happens, it WILL be divine.

I felt the same way as you..although I dated a lot from high school throughout college. I hit a point when I just wasn't jiving with the dating scene anymore and decided to remain single. I wanted nothing to do with any guy..unless he was my future husband. But I remember sitting at my grandma's house and just saying "where is he?"...I too had the desire to just get married.

I knew of Jim in high school but he was two years older than me and we never talked. Plus, I hadn't seen him in years. God made things clear when I ran into Jim twice within one week! We started out slow but I knew he was the one.

I think most girls at some point begin to feel this way. I did...maybe God is putting this desire in your heart. Pray freverently about it and keep your eyes open.

And I have to're a BEAUTIFUL girl! It baffles me that guys are falling at your feet!

Andrea said...

I meant to say "it baffles me that guys AREN'T falling at your feet!" ..whoops!

Elizabeth said...

You know Amber, there's also a lot to be said for being single. I had some of my BEST prayer time/intimate worship when I was single.. It's all about you and your Creator, no major distractions to deal with (kids, husband, married life in general!!) It's still awesome, but I can feel a difference for sure. I would use this time in your life to really focus on God and what He wants for your life. I'm sure marriage will be a part of it! But it's all about His timing :)
I think it's so great that you're thinking about and praying for your future husband. I did the same thing a few years ago, I used to dream about who he was and pray for him all the time.. God sees your desire to be married, it's all about timing though. You may 'feel' ready (or beyond!) but only He knows when the perfect time is. I know He has someone awesome for you though, w/out a doubt! You are going to make such an awesome wife! It's tough being 22 and single, I know. that's when I got married (22) I was SO ready !! haha. Just keep your focus on WHO you want and never settle for anyone! (I know you won't) =)
I do know there's nothing wrong w/you though, haha. Any guy would be so blessed to have you! It's gonna take a really amazing man to match you though.. Keep that in mind ;)

Mitzy said...

I have to agree with Elizabeth on the part about , theres alot to be said about being single!..
married life is a awesome thing, BUT. it does require alot of time and consistant hard work daily!! And when you add kids into the mix, sometimes its hard to make time for God, as weird as that sounds..
Thank Goodness, we have a Loving and forgiving father, who isnt mad at us when we do that!

I remember being where you are when I was 22.. I was the same exact kind of girl you are.. all I dreamed about was being married and a mom.. and I saw everyone getting married around me, and thought there was something "wrong" with me for not being married!..
There is no majic age for it.. I think so many girls silently feel pressure to "be in a relationship" by a certain age..

Please dont ever feel that way!!..

I was 24 when I got married, and My husband was 30.. and here is the kicker.. we were both virgins and people thought there was DEFFINALTy something wrong with us!..LOL

You are a BEAUTIFUL girl, both inside and out.. After reading this post, I just feel that God has someone SUPER special just for you, and God is saving you from ALOT of the messes and emotional crap we woman have to deal with !

Also, here is a tip.. Write a list of what you want in a future husband, and keep it in your diary or journal and look at it often!
Write down even the little things!

I remember one of the things on my "list" was that he had to like cats, because I had one and didint want to give her up!.. as silly as that sounds, God cared enough to give me a man who LOVES cats :-)

In your prayer time , pull out that list and start Thanking God for all those qualities and special things you want in a husband..

Your a Super sweet, beautiful girl.. And There is a Super cute, handsome guy that God is prepariing Just for you as we speak!


shrever87 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
shrever87 said...

YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS WORLD!! haha..dont forget that I too am single and have been my entire life. So I definitely sympathize..I want to find me a man and get married and have kids too. I also know that whole "is something wrong" thing..Im 20 years old and never had a boyfriend! the only one I ever came close to dating turned out to be the wrong one..but I definitely dont have guys falling all over themselves for me..and it does make you wonder..what's wrong with me? Now I know what Im gonna say should be obvious and we should feel this way (though I rarely do)..but nothing is wrong with us! I kinda wish there was cuz then we could fix it, but there's not. One day our husbands are going to be thankful that we haven't had many boyfriends! haha. And know this Ber..he IS out there and he is going to be AMAZING..and an awesome (handsome) man of God. You deserve nothing less. :) I cant wait to see who it is! I love you Ber! Here's to finding righteous babes (as nelson would put!

aMbErDeNaE said...

You are not the only single girl left in the world:) Promise! Yours truly has been single forever as well! You just have to delight in the fact that it will happen one day! Enjoy what you have right now, which is time to grow and learn from what your taken friends are experiencing!:) You are a beautiful girl, and you will meet an amazing guy! My mom always tells me that eventually boys will realize that they want a nice girl and then you will be swamped with offers! You just have to blow off the myspace creepers and "not your types", because a girl has to have her standards!
xoxo amber