Okay, I am in no way, shape or form writing this to gain pity for myself. Although a little pity isn’t always SO bad, right? ;)
I’m beginning to wonder. Why is it that I am still single and have not been asked out except by people who are either much younger than me, totally not my “type” (I know that sounds so cliché, but I refuse to date someone who does not share my beliefs, heart and dreams) or by people on myspace! I am not sulking, really I’m not. I just wonder- is something wrong? Maybe I’m not in the proper environment to find someone. I don’t know. I am not in a rush (or am I?). I know I have my whole life ahead of me and yadda yadda. I know that God has chosen my soul mate and He will cross our paths in time. I am well aware of this but I can't ignore what I'm feeling.
It seems like EVERYONE around me is in a relationship. Both of my sisters (who are younger) are in relationships, my best friend, my friends, cousins, and well just everyone. I feel like I am the only one who is single. I don’t mind being single, I really don’t. I have only ever been in one relationship in my entire life. I’ve never dated around or played those games, but I can’t help but think- okay I’m approaching 22 and there is not even one prospect, not even one! Haha. Oh dear Lord. I always said, “I’ll be married or at least engaged by 20!” Here I am 21 and not even close. Haha, I have to laugh at myself. I still feel 16 in some aspects and then in others I feel like I'm 25! The sequence of events that my life has taken have been quite crazy and if I were to go in detail about the last 3 years of my life, you probably wouldn't believe me so I'll refrain.
I’m not desperate to get married or anything like that. I love my life, I really do but I’m not gonna lie, I would not be opposed to meeting someone. Lately, I have had this ever increasing desire to find that someone and pursue something with Him. I pray for my husband, I dream about falling in love and being a wife and mother.
I remember conversations growing up where everyone would talk about their dreams and aspirations and while I would share mine, my desire to be a good wife and mom dominated all of them. I was the type of little girl who played house every chance I got. I was the type of preteen who wanted to start a babysitters club and loved to be around babies and attempt to display my amazing caretaking abilities. I was the type of teenager who babysat almost every weekend and loved it.
Now, if and when I do get married I’m not sure I would not want to have children right away although my mom would be a happy camper. She already talks about me having kids and I'm not even in a relationship, nowhere close to being in one!
Ah, I suppose it doesn't hurt to dream. I know when it happens, it will be divine. I'm a little impatient, I know. Again, I'm not desperate- maybe just a little eager :)